You all know about the dog people in my neighborhood. There are a couple of somewhat savvy owners, but mostly….well, there’s no nice way to put this.
They’re dumb asses.
Oh yeah, it’s THAT post. Where I share an encounter with one of the dogs/DADO’s in my neighborhood.
We’ve had encounters with this dog TWICE before. (You can read about them here: First Encounter and Second Encounter.)
The dog is outside constantly, and you can hear him barking as soon as you turn down the street. Apparently there are two gates, one on the side of the house where we walk, and one at the front of the house. When he sees something of interest to him, he runs between the two gates. Biting and jumping to secure his freedom.
It was early February, and about 5:30/5:45 in the evening. It was still dark, and Delilah and I were walking past the Jackal, and he was barking.
Of course.
We had just crossed in view of the gate, when from the corner of my right eye, I saw this white blur streaking towards us. I don’t think I had time to warn Delilah, it happened so fast. Suddenly The Beast was upon us.
Since it was dark, I have no idea how the Barbarian escaped the fence. Maybe he squeezed his fat ass out between the gate, or maybe he got lucky and jumped the fence. How he managed is neither here nor there. He got out of the fence and attacked Delilah.
I have a routine when an off-leash dog is heading our way.
If I have notice, I stop walking, and take the wait and see approach. This gives me time to try and put some distance between us.
When I don’t have notice, (such was the case with Tito,) I do a number of things.
- I shout. “STOP,” “NO,” “GO BACK,” “GET IN YOUR YARD.”
- I puff myself up to try and look bigger.
- I stamp my feet.
- I will take a few steps towards the dog, while stamping my feet, puffing myself up, and shouting, “STOP,” “NO,” “GO BACK,” “GET IN YOUR YARD.”
Since Tito was already attacking Delilah, I started shouting, but that didn’t work. So I did the next best thing.
I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could.
And when I screamed I discovered two things.
- It doesn’t matter how loud you scream in my neighborhood in February, no-one is going to come help you.
- Even if you’ve used the bathroom BEFORE you went on your walk, the force of a scream has effects on your bladder that you were not even aware of.
Yeah, I peed my pants. Right there in the street.
Recap of what’s going on at this point. My dog is fighting on the side of the road with a little demon spawn, I am right next to her, screaming and wetting my pants and trying to get Delilah away from the spinning, biting Tasmanian Devil.
After I got over the shock of that first burst of urine, I figured, what the hell? I have nothing to lose, I’ve already pissed myself. So I kept screaming.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, but was really only a minute, two cars came up the road, and thankfully, the first car saw me and slowed to a stop. It slowly inched forward and using the car as a barrier, I somehow managed to get Delilah across the street.
Neither of those cars stopped to see if me or my dog were okay.
When I looked back, Tito was nonchalantly taking a piss on the side of the road, acting like nothing happened.
Fucker.
That’s when I screamed at the house, “Get your dog you fucking moron.
Then, I took my wet dog, and my wet pants and made my way home.
As for the DADO, I figured he must have come out, and found his dog outside the fence.
I’m mean. Despite the fact that Delilah had once again been attacked by Attila the Hun, I couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of this dim bulb coming outside and seeing his dog outside the fence.
Well he must have, because it looks like he made some fortifications on his gate.
SO…Tito was out last week on our evening walk, and coincidentally, so was his owner. As we passed, the DADO said to the dog, “Tito, stop.”
When opportunity knocks….
I said, “He came out of the fence a couple of weeks ago.”
“He did?”
I wanted to say, you dumb fucker, you damn well KNOW he came out of his fence because you had to have found him.
Instead I said, “Yes, came right out of the fence and attacked my dog.”
And do you know what this DADO said?
Do you?
Well I was going to tell you, but I’d really rather hear some of your guesses. To make it a bit more fun, I’ll give away a $10 Amazon gift card to the first person who guesses what the dumb ass said. (If you don’t live in the US, that’s okay, as long as you have Amazon in your country, go for it!) I will go by the time stamp on the comment if there are two of the same. Also, I’ll let you know what he did say in Sunday’s post.
Hint, if you are a long-time reader and been following the DADO’s, this one really had me dumbfounded.
So…..what do you think Gerry said to me, when I told him Tito had attacked Delilah? Remember, this is WTF Wednesday. 🙂
Sheena says
Dumb ass said: “why didn’t you call for help?” Or he said: “what are you doing walking in the dead of winter?” I hope you called the dog warden on them!
Michelle says
Please do not tell me he asked who won the fight. Whatever he said, he needs a swift punch in the throat.
Btw, I giggled like a 6yr old when I read you peed your pants lol
Emma says
We have a dog down the block who never gets walked, is only outside on the deck and on the deck, so gross, is where he pees and poops. Of course, he is mad as hell because he has no life. About two years ago, late afternoon in April, the little kid had the dog outside on a leash. Mom and I came down the road, dog saw me and charge. Little brat dropped the leash and ran the other way. The dog was after me, Mom was kicking, screaming, yelling bad words at the little kid, did anyone stop? No. Anyone out in their yards help, no. Finally the mother came and got the dog. Mom knows I can fight, but she was really terrified this monster twice my size would seriously hurt or kill me. We know, you are on your own in this world when it comes to a dog fight. Glad you are both okay, just a bit wet.
Shadow and Ducky's Mom says
“Maybe you should walk somewhere else so he doesn’t see you.” (To which I’d be tempted to respond “maybe You should go F*** Yourself”)
Meagan & Merlin says
I can only guess he said “he did?”. One day when no-one was home, the little (insert expletive here) jack russell cross from next door got into our back yard and bailed Merlin up and Merlin didn’t fight back. Merlin thankfully wasn’t hurt, but if he was they would be paying the bill. Hope Miss D wasn’t hurt and that DADO owes you some new pants.
Jan K says
My guess is going to be he said “Who won?”. While I really wish he had said something like, “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I hope your dog was OK”. I’m thinking probably not.
I’m just thankful Delilah was OK (and you too, because that dog could have bitten you as well!). Honestly, I don’t know how you do it. I just think I wouldn’t walk my dogs in your neighborhood, I’d be so discouraged with all the bullshit that goes on.
Oh, and one other thing – did that idiot really think that gate was going to keep his dog in? Luke could jump that thing in a second.
Monika & Sam 🐾 says
So many possibilities…and all of them appropriately stupid because you’re dealing with a knuckle-dragging cretin with the intellect of a carrot. Sorry to admit, I did laugh about the pee. In the future, I think a squirt gun filled with lemon juice for the dog might be in order when walking past that house. And a ball peen hammer for its owner.
Beth says
I’m glad that you and Delilah are okay. I couldn’t help but laugh, and now I won’t be so surprised if the same thing happens when I scream. As far as the owner, he was probably pissed that you didn’t ring the doorbell with Tito in tow.
Sue says
Oh, the DADOs! I’m guessing he said his dog just wanted to play? Air horn, baby. I keep one handy by my patio doors to break up the coyote parties and if it works on them I’m betting it would stop Tito in his tracks. Not to mention attract some neighbors.
caren gittleman says
God I am so sorry this happened to you! I am thinking the asshole probably said “why were you walking by my house?” We have a problem with a neighbor who dog sits his girlfriends HUGE Lab. It is often off-leash (tried to attack Dakota twice)…the last time I ran into the hallway (when I heard Dakota who was being taken outside by my husband, barking in fear and terror) and I screamed “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?” to this man. He apologized, his girlfriend apologized and then he STILL had him offleash, til I had my much calmer-than-I-am husband talk to his girlfriend. He has been using a leash now, but this ass wipe NEVER, EVER, EVER picks up the dog’s poop. (I loved Melissa Clinton’s post today and am probably going to give it to him) I am sooo sorry that this happened!!! xoxo
Genevieve says
“That’s impossible! He loves other dogs…”
Jen Gabbard says
I’m guessing it’s something incredibly stupid such as “Wow. That’s never happened before.”
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I have no idea what I would have done in that situation, it’s terrible.
Lee and Phod says
Most h ave been another dog. My dog doesn’t fight.
Sorry I giggled a little at the scene because I have had similar types of embarrassing things happen.
Pamela says
Please don’t tell me he said something like “he was just using his 2nd amendment gum rights.”
BTW, after nominating this blog for a N2N award as most humorous several years in a row, I’m reluctantly seeing why you have yet to snag a finalist spot–we need to find the R-rated version of BlogPaws. 🙂
alexa says
ok i would not have been a good person in that moment. i would have screaming at the people to come get the dog and at the dog itself.
to be honest i would have been in full blown mama bear mode toward that dog.
seriously are there any places in your neighborhood where you can have a safe relaxing walk.
it had to been so scary. hugs to you and nose smoochs to your dogs.