Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

WHAT THE ?

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Graphic Designed by Julie Melfi, Creative Leg Up.

Graphic Designed by Julie Melfi, Creative Leg Up.

It’s been a while since I came up with a WTF Wednesday post.  Mostly because it got too depressing seeing all the stupid things that people were doing to animals, but this one was just too hard to pass up.  (Note this photo came across my Facebook page, the photo was found on techcrunch)

Say it with me. WHAT THE FUCK?

Say it with me. WHAT THE FUCK?

Now listen, I don’t like picking up dog crap any better than the rest of you, but when the day comes where I think harnessing my dog up and strapping a bag on its ass is easier than bending down to pick up poop, take my dog away from me and add me to the do not adopt list.

If this doesn’t scream, “YOU SHOULDN’T OWN A DOG” I don’t know what does.  Really, you still have to deal with shit, why not just save yourself a five minute dog wrestle and bend over and pick up the shit?  Besides any dog I know is not going to stand still while I strap a bag on its ass.

NOT HAPPENING.

I’ve been told that dogs don’t experience embarrassment the way people do, but I have a feeling that if I strapped a bag to my dog’s ass, I’d be the one embarrassed, not to mention the potential lawsuits.

Driver: There I was officer, driving down the street when I saw this dog with a bag strapped to its ass.  Of its own accord my head whipped around and I never even saw that parked car, I’m just grateful the pedestrian jumped out of the way of my careening car.

Officer: What do you mean, it had a bag on its ass?  Was it wrapped around its legs?  Did it swallow it and was trying to push it out?

Driver: No officer!  The bag was to CATCH the poop.

Officer: Ma’am, have you been drinking?  I know it’s only 9:00 AM but where are coming from, was there liquor there?

Driver: Officer, I swear, the dog had a bag strapped to its ass.  Like harnessed and intentionally, Strapped. To. Its. Ass.  Oh, oh, there it is, look over there!

Officer: Summabitch, I hope the cruiser cam is catching this, it will help your case stand up in court.  Where the Fu… is my ticket book?  That’s cruelty to animals right there.”  Hits button on his mike, “Dispatch?  Send animal control over to ……they’re gonna have to see this shit to believe it.”

Don't get any ideas Mama, I will bite you.

Don’t get any ideas Mama, I will bite you.

That to me is the epitome of laziness.  I cannot believe that someone actually invented this and I have to tell you, if I EVER see a dog with this strapped to its ass, the likelihood of me going West Virginia Back-woods Hood-rat on that owner, are probably pretty damn good.  

Whoo Hoo

Because my little badge at the top of the page says WTF/Whoo Hoo, I am going to share some exciting news in the dog world.   Minnesota has become the first state in the U.S., and first political body in the world, to mandate that laboratory dogs and cats be adopted when the research is over!  The Beagle Freedom Project was instrumental in making this happen!!  Personally I’d like to see them end animal testing all together, but hey it’s a start!

‘Twas Just Before Spring

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‘Twas just before spring, when all through the yard

Something was stirring, despite the snow being hard

Yup, there’s something moving about in the yard and it’s mostly hiding in the piles of wood.

Woodpile1

Two weeks ago the pups were interested in the pile by the retaining wall.  They stuck themselves so far under the tarp, they scared me.

Tuesday I took the dogs out after I got home and was doing my poop patrol of the yard, when I noticed Delilah had a Mohawk.  (Sadly, I could not get a photo.)  The fur right before her tail was all puffed up.  I looked around to see if I could see anything that might have gotten her hackles up, but found nothing.

Woodpile

Then yesterday morning her fur was up again and both dogs were interested in some uncut wood Hubby had wrapped up in some tarp.  They both climbed up on the snow bank and stuck their noses down.  I swear I saw something brown move under the tarp, so I hurried up on the deck.  Then I thought, it’s better to get your camera and record it.  How many times have you missed an opportunity because you didn’t have the camera?

It reminded me of the time I went home at lunch to let the dogs out.

Delilah was intent on this tree in our yard.  It had been topped and stood about 4 to 4 1/2 feet tall.  There was a small hole in the dead center of the top of the tree and this is where she focused.  Being inquisitive and curious myself, I decided to play the Bear Went Over the Mountain and walked up to it to see what I could see.  I peeped over the top of the tree and it hissed at me.

You read that right,  The. Tree. HISSED. At. Me.

You can imagine that I jumped back startled and I maybe, might have screamed like a little girl.

Then that curiosity thing (you know, the one that killed the cat) got the better of me, so standing a good distance away, I began to throw rocks at the tree.  And I giggled a little thinking how the dogs would chase after whatever it was that came screaming out of that tree.  Until I realized I was probably in the direct trajectory of one very pissed off animal.

Visions of a rabid raccoon tearing my face to shreds while the dogs barked and jumped danced through my head and I decided it was better to wait until Hubby came home and let him deal with it.

I’m almost certain I sent him a text that said, “Dude, the tree hissed at me.”

He text me back, “It’s probably a bird.”

A bird I scoffed, birds don’t hiss.  WTF are you smoking? I’m a grown ass woman, you can’t pull that over on me.

I was on pins and needles waiting for Hubby to get home. Sometimes and I say SOMETIMES, Hubby approaches things a bit differently than I do.  He grabbed a mirror (why didn’t I think of that?)  Meanwhile, I put on my running shoes, just in case.  Standing a good distance away I watched as he approached the tree.  He stuck the mirror over the tree and said, “It’s a bird.”

WHAT?  I couldn’t believe it.  I had to see it for myself.   So Hubby showed me how to angle the mirror just so, and I peered into the mirror to see a wide-open beak hissing up at me.

Well dip me in fruit juice and call me a Popsicle, I had no idea.

That story quickly raced through my mind as I went inside to get my camera, but by the time I got back outside, whatever had interested them had made it’s escape.

As for that tree?  I took it down to the ground in the fall.  Ain’t nothing hissing at me in my yard!!

Welcome to Thursday’s Barks and Bytes blog hop hosted by Heart Like a Dog and 2 Brown Dawgs.  Hop along to see what everyone else has to say!

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