I’m an Olympic junky.  Winter, summer it doesn’t matter, when the Olympics are on I’m watching.  I’ve been known to fall asleep with the TV on, wake up, watch some Olympics and go back to sleep.

I love cheering for my fellow countrymen, or cheering for the under dog and god knows I love an Olympian who has overcome adversity to get where they are.

To say I LOVE the Olympics would be an understatement.

Except for this year.

This year I can’t bring myself to watch the Olympics.  What with the government sanctioned vigilante groups hunting and administering punishment to homosexuals, to the culling of over 7,000 stray dogs, to the un-prepared hotel rooms, to statements that there is no guarantee that our athletes are safe.

I just can’t do it.

Which is why I’m getting my fix from the Canine Olympics.  A sporting event based on skills you may or may not be aware your dog even has! Long time readers may remember the first Canine Olympics I wrote about.   You can read that here.

So without further ado, we’ll turn this post over to our Canine Commentators,  ESPN’s own Chris Barkman and NBC’s John Maddog.

Chris:  Well John here we are again at the 2nd annual Canine Olympics, we’ve got a couple of new events this year, so why don’t you do the honor and introduce our first event.

John: Delighted to be here Chris and so excited to see two veteran canine’s here representing their breed.

First up we have a beautiful Chocolate lab named Delilah.  You may remember Delilah from the first Canine Olympics when she went in a little to far in the butt sniffing event.

Word has it her handler has been working her very hard and has enrolled her this year in the Long Dump.

Watch Delilah’s skill in this event, she squats, drops the first log and then without breaking the hunch, walks while she continues to drop logs.  The uneducated may refer to this event as shit walking, BUT this is a true art form.  This is basically a measured event beginning where the dog first drops and measuring to the last log launched before the dog breaks form.

If you take a look at our interactive screen our orange arrow is highlighting the final entry.  We have to wait for a measurement from the judges, but this looks like a good fifty feet!  She’s done it!!  She’s captured the gold in this event, with a long dump of 52.4 feet!

Chris:  Next up is the Path Block event.  In this event, it is up to the canine to block the handler from proceeding down the path.

As you can see, Sampson a golden lab and a big beefy boy has effectively prevented his handler from progressing.  You can see the foot prints leading towards the path, but there is no way to proceed without heading off the trail, which would result in a half point deduction to the handler.

Let’s see what the judges have to say, 9.8 great mark for a great performance.  Looks like this dog is going to get gold as well!

What’s up next John?

John: This next event is new to the Canine Olympics and it’s called Sack-a-Mattack.  In this event the dog, is required to get the leash to entwine on the poop bag, looping the leash at least once around the bag and see if they can replicate a ball sack.

The Chocolate Lab, Delilah is once again up, let’s take a peek in and see how she’s doing.

Ah, it’s a thing of beauty!  She’s tightened the leash just enough and darted around a tree and split the bag perfectly.  If I didn’t know better I’d ask the twins where Jimmy was.

She nailed this Sack-a Mattack!  This dog is poetry in motion.

Over to you Chris.

Chris:  Our last event of this Olympics is the Down-Hill Peeing event.  Up once again is Sampson.  He’s a really handsome guy.

He’s on the course, he’s sniffing, he’s found his mark!

Yup, he’s right on the money.

John:  Double gold for Sampson!!

Have you been watching the Olympics, or are you like me getting your fix somewhere else?