Once upon a time when I was a child, Spam was a meat that came in a can.  I didn’t like that kind of Spam and I typically don’t like the blogging kind of Spam either.

I have that Akismet plug in installed on this blog.

You know the one.  It catches all those evil peeps who leave nasty spam comments on your blogs.  Even though my Akismet is on the ball, I like to go through my spam folder every couple of days, it’s a good thing too.  Today I found seven comments in my folder that weren’t Spam!

A while back a lot of bloggers were getting Harry Potter spam and were talking about it on Facebook.  As long time readers know, I am a HP FREAK fan so I anxiously checked the folder and discovered I had indeed been blessed by some HP semi-quotes.  I say semi-quotes because all of you know, that spam usually has some grammar or spelling errors.

I save some of the Spam comments and thought I’d share then with you.  The Spam comments will be in italics while my responses to them will be bold.

I’m not going to share the Potter quotes because with the exception of bad spelling, they are real quotes.  Except for this one.  I can’t recall ever seeing this quote in any of the HP books.

“Have you got anything for me?” Harry asked, but she seemed distracted by his lit wand-tip.

Is it me or does that sound sexual to you?  

Today, I visited the beach front with my children. I discovered a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and stated “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and shouted. There was a hermit crab in…

Siriusly dude, you didn’t check inside the shell BEFORE handing it to a four-year-old?   WTF is wrong with you?  Do you have sand for brains? You’re a special kind of stupid aren’t you?

The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I know it was my selection to read, but I truly thought youd have some thing fascinating to say. All I hear is often a bunch of whining about something which you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

I actually thought this might be a good comment, because I do sometimes whine.  Except you don’t know how to use apostrophes.  Really?  You can make a spyder bot that can troll the web leaving comments, but you can’t figure out how to us apostrophes?  I may be a whiner, but you’re fucking useless.

Hello Delilah, Thank you for posting your story. I rellay admire you for joining the church when your parents are not members, and then serving a mission. You are a good example to your nieces and nephews. I’m sure they benefit from you playing with them, and teaching them about the church. I am a 68 year old grandmother living in Sandy, Utah USA.

Hey Grandma, thanks for the comment.  I’m glad there is someone out there who appreciates me and my skillz   You are super smart to realize I’m on a mission but I don’t do know anything about nieces or nephews.  Do they have food?  Are they like those mini-two leggers that Mom calls grandchildren?  If so, they might be useful because they aren’t really coordinated with food, so there’s lots of opportunities for me.  Speaking of opportunities, what kind of food do you eat Grandma?  How’s your eyesight?  Do you drop a lot of food?  Do you need help cleaning up your house? Find me on Facebook Grandma, let’s talk. You scratch my butt, I’ll clean your floors.

Life is short, and this aritcle saved valuable time on this Earth.

Well thank you, glad to be of service.   Maybe with that spare time you can look up article in the dictionary and memorize the correct way to spell it.

Do you ever read your spam?  Do you ever want to approve it and answer it?  Would you have answered this Spam any differently?