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The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

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My Dog is a Giant Ass Clown

February 18, 2014 By Jodi

Last week I confessed that I called Delilah a Giant Ass Clown.   I was somewhat relieved to discover that many of you call your dogs names as well, it helped a little to alleviate my guilt.

But it also got me thinking about why I call her names.  I’m a person who likes to diffuse tense situations with humor.  I will crack a joke, drop an F-bomb, lower or raise my voice to inject a little humor in a tense situation.

So when Delilah does something with the potential to push me beyond my limit, I call her names.  It helps break the tension for me.

How’s that for self realization?

Most of the time Delilah’s antics amuse me.

Most. Of. The. Time.

Of course sometimes what she does is so unbelievable that I can’t laugh right away, it takes some time to process, but generally I can laugh after the fact.  Some times it’s well after the fact.

Even the time she ate so much dog poop that she threw it up.

In my house.

Twice.

It took me about two months (probably right after I finally got the smell to go away)  to laugh about that.  Some people know how to make an entrance, Delilah knows how to clear a house.

Skillz some peeps would say.

It’s almost automatic when she does something crazy for Giant Ass Clown or Douche Bag, or some other crazy name to slip out.  The other day I called her a Douche Bag and Hubby called her Douchelilah.  THAT made me laugh.  I may store that somewhere in my tiny brain and bring it out when she does something totally off the wall.

Something like:

  • Using the dog bed I was repairing as a giant stuffy and de-stuffing it.
Dear dog woman, what are you complaining about?  It's not like you vacuum that room.

Dear dog woman, what are you complaining about? It’s not like you vacuum that room.

  • Always managing to walk in front of me and block my way, wherever I am going.
  • Stretching her foot out in a bow just as I place my foot down, almost tripping me in the process.
  • Standing on the rug or the bed when I’m trying to straighten it.
  • Licking oil out of a pan on the stove.
  • Stealing 7 pounds of chicken necks out of the sink.
  • Standing right in the section of the room I am trying to vacuum.
  • Sticking her head in the garbage to remove a goody, just as I’m sticking my hand in there to throw something out.
  • Cleaning up Sampson’s poop while I was busy shoveling snow.
I was just trying to help.  You could show a little gratitude.

I was just trying to help. You could show a little gratitude.

  • Racing me into the kitchen when I get up to check on something cooking on the stove.
  • Squeezing herself into a tiny spot, just so she can be close enough to me to harass me about her snack.
  • Running in front of me on my way to the kitchen.
  • Being underfoot whenever there is food around.
  • Taking anything that has any food remnants and cleaning it up.

Or yesterday when I was kneeling on the floor loving on Sampson and she stuck her nose right in my ass.

Yup, Giant Ass Clown it is.

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Filed Under: Delilah Tagged With: Delilah, Heart Like A Dog, Humor, Life With Sampson And Delilah, sampson and delilah

Happy Valentine’s Day – Follow-Up Friday

February 14, 2014 By Jodi

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!

Valentines

Welcome to this week’s edition of Follow-Up Friday, the post where I answer questions, highlight reader’s comments and generally wrap up my week!

You Make Me Smile – February 9, 2014

This comment made me laugh.  Callie, Shadow and Ducky’s Mom said, “Shadow does the same thing! And then my “prim and proper” middle furchild rolls over on her back and falls asleep with her hind legs spread open like a little whore. Hehehe

Donna said, “Jodi…I got news for you – (as if you didn’t know ;-) ) – I think that “prim and proper” thing is all an act. LOL!”

Oh yeah, it’s an act, which is why it makes me smile.  The unknowing suspect would actually think she was trained. 😉

Note to Self

AnimalCouriers asked, “And have you implemented any of these ‘notes to self’? ;-)”

Believe it or not, I have.  I always go out with the dogs now and I always have a poop bag with me.  Besides picking up what the dogs are doing at the moment, I’m also picking up older messes when I find them.  Luckily we haven’t had to go out in the middle of the night since!

Dogs N Pawz said, “Scout always wakes me up, never hubby. I have often wondered why he picks me and not him?”

I think because they know we will do it.  The dog daddy will just tell them to go back to sleep. 🙂

Jan asked, “Do you ever weigh the cost of installing new flooring against the pain, misery and looming death caused by going out at 4;30?”

Well I’ve kind of given up having nice flooring.  My carpets are all stained and worn.  I figure just live with them until it’s time to sell the house and then replace the carpet.

Jackie Bouchard said, “That was very funny, but I feel badly about giggling.”

Don’t feel bad!  I wrote it with the intent of making you laugh.  I was giggling writing it.

Sand Spring Chesapeakes said, “I believe Sampson would lay down next to you and keep you warm so you don’t freeze to death out there. :)”

I’d like to believe that, but I’m not entirely sure.

Julie said, “LOL – note to self, always bring a little recorder for “notes to self” :)”

That’s a good idea!

Houndstooth asked, “Why do they always do this to us when it’s either freezing out or downpouring?”

I haven’t a clue.

I Feel Like Crap

You all are so wonderful and supportive.  I wish I could highlight every comment because there were some good ones.  Go back and read the comments and see how many of you yell at your dogs and call them names.  LOL

Emma said, “If you had been beating or hitting her we would be alarmed but now and then Moms need to just yell at us we think. It somehow clears the air and when things settle we have a nice treat and go on with lives all feeling a bit better.”

Honestly Emma there have been times when I’ve had to hold myself back from smacking her one.  BUT not this time, for some reason I just yelled.

Caren Gittleman said, “sometimes I call Cody the “fat gray B—–d” lol”

Well as I shared with Caren on Facebook, one day I called Delilah a giant ass clown.  It happens.  And it makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one calling my dog names.

2 Brown Dawgs said, Why do you feel bad? I probably would have done the same. Delilah is no soft dog, she will bounce back and probably try it again.”

You are right about that, she’s a tough girl.

Oz the Terrier said, “Ma is feeling the same way. She yelled at me last night when we were on our evening walk. I’m a bit reactive on leash so we have been working on that and well, last night I just lost it…so then Ma just lost it…and now Ma feels like a terrible dog mom.”

It’s hard not to yell sometimes Oz, because seeing you upset, gets us upset as well.

Rebekah said, “This makes me feel better. Because I have lost my shit with all three of my dogs, on more than one occasion.”

OMG just the way you phrased it, this made me laugh.

Maggie said, “I’m fairly certain that for the second year of his life, Cooper assumed I had renamed him to DAMMIT COOPER.”

LOL Maggie, I knew a woman once who said for the first five years of his life her son thought his name was No-No Jason. 🙂

Amy at GoPetFriendly asked, “And maybe a baby gate would help keep her out of the kitchen?”

I wish Amy.  Our kitchen is too open for that.  My old kitchen had a half door, which was mainly for keeping the dogs in the kitchen when we weren’t home, but it also was handy if you needed to be dog less in the kitchen!

Canine Olympics

I’m so glad that you guys leave comments like this:

Jessica said, “I’m watching the real Olympics. I thought pretty hard about it, then realized that most of the athletes *also* wish the games were in better circumstances. They don’t have any real choice–in most sports you get one chance to go to the games, and they’ve been working their whole lives for it. Their parents have made huge sacrifices to get them there. That deserves respect, even if I hate the circumstances.”

Why?  Because it gives me a different perspective and helps me grow as a person.  Thank you Jessica.

For Love of a Dog

Genevieve said, “I didn’t get bread, but I DID stop for a quart of milk yesterday! And 2 boxes of pudding, a box of donuts, and a quart of ice cream. Those are the only storm supplies I needed.”

Well if you’re making pudding, that explains everything!

Oz the Terrier  asked, “I’m curious why, if you lose power during a snowstorm, you would need a generator to keep your food cold in the fridge? Wouldn’t it get cold in the house and thus still be cold in the fridge?”

Good question Oz.  And one would think that would hold true, but it doesn’t.  Even though the refrigerator is insulated, once the fridge loses power, the cold slowly leaves.  We try and keep the fridge closed and stuff will last a couple of days but not much longer.

Flea said, “I do run for bread and milk. My teenagers go through milk. And bread means that we’ll at least have sandwiches for those teens if we run out of everything else. I also buy plenty of toilet paper and brownie mix.”

Um, brownie mix.  We don’t go through a lot of milk and I always have a box of Almond Milk in the pantry, so we can usually manage.

That’s it for this week!  Thanks for playing along and have a wonderful weekend!

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Filed Under: Follow-Up Friday Tagged With: Follow-Up Friday, Heart Like A Dog, Humor

Canine Olympics, February 11, 2014

February 12, 2014 By Jodi

I’m an Olympic junky.  Winter, summer it doesn’t matter, when the Olympics are on I’m watching.  I’ve been known to fall asleep with the TV on, wake up, watch some Olympics and go back to sleep.

I love cheering for my fellow countrymen, or cheering for the under dog and god knows I love an Olympian who has overcome adversity to get where they are.

To say I LOVE the Olympics would be an understatement.

Except for this year.

This year I can’t bring myself to watch the Olympics.  What with the government sanctioned vigilante groups hunting and administering punishment to homosexuals, to the culling of over 7,000 stray dogs, to the un-prepared hotel rooms, to statements that there is no guarantee that our athletes are safe.

I just can’t do it.

Which is why I’m getting my fix from the Canine Olympics.  A sporting event based on skills you may or may not be aware your dog even has! Long time readers may remember the first Canine Olympics I wrote about.   You can read that here.

So without further ado, we’ll turn this post over to our Canine Commentators,  ESPN’s own Chris Barkman and NBC’s John Maddog.

Chris:  Well John here we are again at the 2nd annual Canine Olympics, we’ve got a couple of new events this year, so why don’t you do the honor and introduce our first event.

John: Delighted to be here Chris and so excited to see two veteran canine’s here representing their breed.

First up we have a beautiful Chocolate lab named Delilah.  You may remember Delilah from the first Canine Olympics when she went in a little to far in the butt sniffing event.

Word has it her handler has been working her very hard and has enrolled her this year in the Long Dump.

Watch Delilah’s skill in this event, she squats, drops the first log and then without breaking the hunch, walks while she continues to drop logs.  The uneducated may refer to this event as shit walking, BUT this is a true art form.  This is basically a measured event beginning where the dog first drops and measuring to the last log launched before the dog breaks form.

Long dump

If you take a look at our interactive screen our orange arrow is highlighting the final entry.  We have to wait for a measurement from the judges, but this looks like a good fifty feet!  She’s done it!!  She’s captured the gold in this event, with a long dump of 52.4 feet!

Chris:  Next up is the Path Block event.  In this event, it is up to the canine to block the handler from proceeding down the path.

As you can see, Sampson a golden lab and a big beefy boy has effectively prevented his handler from progressing.  You can see the foot prints leading towards the path, but there is no way to proceed without heading off the trail, which would result in a half point deduction to the handler.

pathblock-2-11-14

Let’s see what the judges have to say, 9.8 great mark for a great performance.  Looks like this dog is going to get gold as well!

What’s up next John?

John: This next event is new to the Canine Olympics and it’s called Sack-a-Mattack.  In this event the dog, is required to get the leash to entwine on the poop bag, looping the leash at least once around the bag and see if they can replicate a ball sack.

The Chocolate Lab, Delilah is once again up, let’s take a peek in and see how she’s doing.

sack-a-ma-tack -FEB

Ah, it’s a thing of beauty!  She’s tightened the leash just enough and darted around a tree and split the bag perfectly.  If I didn’t know better I’d ask the twins where Jimmy was.

She nailed this Sack-a Mattack!  This dog is poetry in motion.

Over to you Chris.

Chris:  Our last event of this Olympics is the Down-Hill Peeing event.  Up once again is Sampson.  He’s a really handsome guy.

He’s on the course, he’s sniffing, he’s found his mark!

Yup, he’s right on the money.

downhill peeing

For the dogs of Sochi!

John:  Double gold for Sampson!!

Have you been watching the Olympics, or are you like me getting your fix somewhere else?

 

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Filed Under: Humor Tagged With: Delilah, Heart Like A Dog, Humor, Life With Sampson And Delilah, Sampson, sampson and delilah

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About Jodi

jodiHi, my name is Jodi. Thanks for stopping by and checking out my blog! I have all kinds of fun writing about my two crazy pups, Sampson and Delilah. Find out more!

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