Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Plucking My Last Nerve

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This weekend it seemed like Delilah was trying to pluck my last nerve.

It started out on Friday night.  I was having some trouble defrosting their food and bringing the temperature up from ice cold.  I emptied the dishpan, added some warm water and set her dish inside it, I sat down in the living room.  A few minutes later I went in, changed the water and placed the bowl back in the sink.  Walked back to the living room and Delilah was in the sink trying to eat the food.

I was so mad, I yelled quite loudly and made her lie on her bed until it was time for dinner.

And you know what?  I didn’t feel bad about it either.

Saturday morning we went downstairs to open Mom’s blinds and Delilah stole a muffin mom was defrosting for breakfast.  Luckily, I was right there and quickly grabbed it.  The she took a pair of Mom’s underwear out of the laundry and rolled in them.

My sister came in with Mom’s groceries and while we were bringing the bags in and trying to put the groceries away,  Delilah ate a grape. 

My sister was upset, but I just shrugged it off and said, “She already stole Mom’s muffin.”

Now you guys know me, I’m not politically correct, and if you haven’t figured it out yet, sometimes I can be a bit….what shall I call it? 

I’m going with raunchy.

Well no surprise, but my sister is too.  Anyhoo, this statement, “She already stole Mom’s muffin” understandably got my sister and I off on a tangent.

Sister: “She stole Mom’s muffin?  I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

Me:  “She did, she stole Mom’s muffin.”

Sister: “Did she lick Mom’s muffin too”

You get the idea where the conversation went from there.  Quite truthfully, I can’t remember much of it, probably because I was laughing so hard.

Of course, Delilah was now on a roll and the weekend continued from there.

She licked my tomato soup cup and I’m pretty sure she drank water out of the sink.

Finally yesterday morning she took a buttery spatula out of the sink and brought it into the living room to clean up on my brand-new-less-than-24-hours-old throw rug.

And people wonder why I start my day with whiskey in my coffee.

It’s because of this dog.

That's just a load of tosh. Look at this face, would I do something like that?

That’s just a load of tosh. Look at this face, a sweet face like this wouldn’t do all those things.  Would it?

 It boggles my mind.  Because she knows so many words. Like last night for instance I gave her her frozen Kong and she took it into the living room and put it down on the new rug.  I went in and said “Eck, no, over here.” And she picked up the Kong and moved.

WTF why can’t she understand not to steal stuff off the counters? Any of you have luck training dogs like Delilah?

Follow-Up Friday – November 21, 2014

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Follow-Up Friday, the post where I highlight reader’s comments, answer questions and generally wrap up my week.

You Make Me Laugh – November 16, 2014

Frankie and Ernie said, “We like to BARK while Peeing and or Pooping… Multi Tasking.  Ernie Sniffs AFTER every Pee… His and MINE.”

Oh my dog.  You guys make me laugh.  I don’t think either of my dogs has ever barked while they were peeing or pooping!

Cupcake said, “I am an excellent multi-tasker, also, D. On a good day, I can pee, sniff, AND lick some goose poop!”

Another one that makes me laugh, this does not surprise me Cupcake.

Mary said, “Torrey sometimes has to do the walk and poop because she is so busy smelling.”

OMG Delilah does that too.  That is how she got the name, “Delilah Shit-Walker.”

Retro Rover said, “no but ours love to kick kick kick”

Delilah does this too.  The funny thing is when Sampson doesn’t see it coming and has to jump out of her way.

2 Crazy Dogs

Sophie said, “I love your idea of heel and treating past the house when they walk nicely.”

So far it is working great with people, although I need a constant stream of treats because as soon as Sampson gets his he turns back towards the person.  But we’re working on it!

Pamela said, “I’ve also found bringing Honey to my side helpful. I tell her “with me” when I need her close and “go sniff” when she can move ahead. It does make a walk more pleasant when our dogs cooperate with us being able to stay by our side. ”

Go sniff is good.  I used that yesterday and the dogs looked at me like I was nuts.  But we’ll get there!

Jackie Bouchard says, “Rita sounds a lot like Delilah. She only reacts to certain dogs, mostly the reactive ones that get too close.”

Mostly that is when Delilah reacts too, although sometimes she surprises me.  Like one day when I sat them while a GSD walked past us on the other side of the street.  For no reasons known only to her, she just blew up at the dog.

Praying for Poop

Notice I'm standing on the side with the hand that DIDN'T go in her mouth.

Notice I’m standing on the side with the hand that DIDN’T go in her mouth. I like my treats to taste like treats, thankyouverymuch.

Lauranne said, “Was it her poo or someone elses? I have to laugh, when you said about having a poo to warm your hands up with (yes, I am aware that reads like you are the one having the poo, but you know what I mean!) I had an image of you thinking pfft, hand already smells of poo let’s save a poo bag and just pick it up with the hand!!”

OH. MY. GOD!  NO, I did not bare hand the poop!!!  That would be an absolute nightmare that I would avoid at all costs!  No I can assure you the poop was in the poop bag.  And the poop belonged to another dog who clearly has a dumb ass owner that does not pick up after it.

Emma said, “Oh yes, we have had those walks and let me tell you, if Mom gets poop on her hand(s), it is all over! She makes a beeline for the shortest route home she knows.”

LOL I don’t blame Mom, Emma.  I think I would too.

2 Brown Dawgs said, ” Mine occasionally eat animal poop while we are out in the forest. Well mostly Storm. I discourage it, but I am not sticking my hand in her mouth to get it back!”

Mine do that too and I discourage it as well.  Clearly I need to start thinking before I react. LOL

Jan K said, ” I was just thinking this morning that having pets is definitely not for squeamish people.  I was lying in bed when the cat came up. My eyes were still closed and I started petting her until I felt something wet and slimy on her tail. Nope, not poop….throw up!!”

EWWWWWW Yuck!!  How in the world did she get it on her tail?

Frankie and Ernie said, “So Long story Short….. it was a really CRAPPY walk.”

Hehehe yes it was a crappy walk.

Blueberry’s Human asked, ” How bad did you wish for a sharp blade to cut your hand off so you wouldn’t have to be attached to your poo smelling hand?”

Surprisingly that thought didn’t come to my mind, but I would sure have appreciated some hand sanitizer. 😉

And then she shared a lovely story about a fried crow and a foster dog.  Go check it out.

Cat said, “Secret tip: an extra pair of gloves pinned to the inside of my coat!”

You my friend are brilliant!  What a great idea.

Jan said, “I’ve never had a dog walk that went this wrong, but thanks for letting me know how out of control they can become. This was hilarious because it happened to someone else.”

You know, it’s mostly hilarious to me as well, which is why I share that with you.  If I couldn’t find the humor in the things my dogs did, I’d probably be in the loony bin.

Two French Bulldogs said, “Don’t mean to laugh but mom could relate.”

Glad I could bring a laugh to your day.

Pamela said, “Yeah, I lost my willingness to follow things down Honey’s gullet after she swallowed a whole pigeon as a puppy.”

Yeah….I don’t think I’d go after that one either Pamela. 🙂

I Think My Dogs Are Trying to Kill Me

At first I tried to stage this photo.  But every time I tried to get both dogs to look ahead, one of them (Delilah) would turn around and run back to me.  Finally I gave up and just kept the camera out and sure enough, they did it.

Watch out for that.......tree.

Watch out for that…….tree.

Lauranne asked, “Yep, you’re screwed…. can I have the dogs??”

LOL aren’t you sweet!  Actually I do need someone just in case something happens to Hubby and me….But what if they turn out to be serial killers?

SlimDoggy said, “Too funny…probably because we can all relate so much – especially that last one. I thought I bought it once when Jack got away from me and chased something down a steep embankment. He was oblivious to me calling him back and I had to make my way down this embankment without falling and then try to grab his collar…life flashing before my eyes.”

Glad you are okay!!  You know I think I had one of those moments when Delilah yanked me off my feet on New Year’s Eve one year.  New Year’s Eve in the emergency room, isn’t that every dog walker’s dream? LOL

Emma said, “Mom swears a lot, quite loudly actually, on our walks.”

You know Emma, I do too.  I was actually thinking, if people actually heard me, they’d never know I really deeply love my dogs. 🙂

Mary from Stale Cheerios said, “It does sometimes feel like you might die. Especially if there is a squirrel… or a cat on the sidewalk….”

OH YEAH!! Right now the squirrels are working overtime with the really cold weather and it is so challenging on our walks.  And the cats.  OMG.  Some of these cats are so dang brazen!

That’s it for me, if you hung in there this long (long post!) thank you and have a wonderful weekend.

My Dogs are Trying to Kill Me – Barks and Bytes

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I think my dogs are trying to kill me.  

Don’t scoff at me like that, I have proof!  One of these days one of my dogs is going to kill me.

 

You're delusional. They make medication for that you know.

You’re delusional. They make medication for that you know.

 It could be from a skull fracture in the house because:

  • Delilah lies on the floor under my reclining seat and I do the wide-legged dance to get up and over her and instead she gets up right as I do and I fall into the stone on the fireplace.
  • Delilah races me to the kitchen after I successfully do the wide-legged dance, she trips me and I tumble down the stairs. 
  • Delilah stands in the doorway of any door I’m trying to enter or exit and I fall over her and smack my head into the wall.
Oh Mama, are you you being dramatic again?

Oh Mama, are  you being dramatic again?

Of course it could always be a massive coronary because:

  • Sampson barks, twitches, and jumps while he’s sleeping next to you and you’re certain he’s having some kind of seizure.
  • Delilah barks or growls during the night because you moved your feet too close to her. (You know how startling it is to have a dog bark in the middle of the night, it’s like the telephone ringing.  It really gets your heart racing.)
  • Sampson can’t remember he had expensive ACL surgery and jumps off a three foot wall. (I think I really felt a pain in my chest when I saw that.)
  • Delilah eats anything (and everything) she can find, regardless if it’s edible or not.  

On second thought, it’s more than likely to happen outside because:

  • Delilah steps in front of me on our walks trying to get at the treat bag and trips me and I fall in the road. 
  • Sampson and Delilah tug me so hard on our walk that I slip and hit my head on a rock.
  • Delilah runs around me to grab a treat and wraps the leash around me.
She is NOT on a two-foot leash.

She is NOT on a two-foot leash.

My best guess is, it will be because Sampson and Delilah each want to travel down a different path and face plant me into a tree.

 

Watch out for that.......tree.

Watch out for that…….tree.

 These dogs….I swear. A lot actually. 😉

Heart Like a Dog

Welcome to Thursday’s Barks and Bytes Blog hop hosted by 2 Brown Dogs and Heart Like a Dog. The Barks and Bytes hop is for anything at all and all bloggers are welcome. You don’t have to be a dog blog to join. For new blog hoppers, a blog hop is list of links that is shared on multiple blogs. In order to be fair to all participants Linda and I ask you to please use the linky list. If your blog does not support a linky list, please link back to either Linda or I.

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