Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

If Thwarting Were an Olympic Sport

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If thwarting were an Olympic sport, this dog…

This dog would be a Gold Medalist.

Chocolate Lab

Gold Medal? That’s a flour right? You can eat flour, right?

I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not, but this dog manages to get in my way more times a day then I can count.

Certain times are worse than others.

When I’m in a hurry.

  • I walk in the door with a couple of bags full of groceries and am rushing to the kitchen to put them away because they’re heavy. 

She’s running right in front of me, trying to beat me into the kitchen.

  • I walk in from work and have to pee.

I say a quick hello and rush towards the bathroom with Delilah hot on my heels. I try and get my pants undone and Delilah shoves her head between my legs.

Do you know how hard it is to try and pull your pants down with a dog’s head between your legs?

The other time she’s spot on her game is when food is involved.

  • It is close to meal or snack time and I get up to do something. 

She is right behind me, prancing along, or she stops and waits, standing right where I need to go.

  • When I’m preparing food in the kitchen.

I wouldn’t mind so much if she’d stay in one spot. But no matter how many times I say, “Delilah get out of the kitchen” or “Sit right there” she gets up and comes right back. I can’t tell you how many times a day I say, “Stop licking the floor!”

Last week I found myself saying, “That’s your face I’m TRIPPING on.”

You can’t make this shit up.

Our kitchen is an open kitchen so there’s no way to shut her out of it. Which means you just have to stay on top of it, but man this dog is persistent, and the minute you turn your back, she goes for the gold. 

Yup, if thwarting were an Olympic Sport, I’d have a Gold Medalist on my hands.

Tell me what sport you’d add to the Olympics that your pet would medal in.

You Better Run Squirrel – Barks and Bytes

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A few years ago a squirrel got into our attic. (It’s the hazards of living in a rural area.)

I was the one to discover it one rainy Sunday afternoon. While sitting on the couch reading, I heard the distinct sound of something above me. To some people this would be normal, but our attic is only a crawl space. I paused, listened and then I heard it again. Delilah sat up.

“I heard it too” I told her and got up and looked out the door.

Did you know that squirrel’s paws look a lot like a human hand? Well they do.

I stood there, staring up at the roof of my house.

Im not sure how you would react to seeing what looks like a tiny human hand sliding under the edge of the roof of your home, but I can tell you how I reacted.

I may have screamed and it’s possible I even tinkled a little. I’m pretty sure I swore (A LOT) and I know with certainty that  every hair on my body stood at attention.

Squirrel Paws

Yeah, they look like fingers bitch, whatcha gonna do about it? (Photo courtesy of Daily Mail)

We needed to get rid of the squirrel and fast. Squirrels can be very destructive inside a home.

We borrowed a Have-A-Heart trap and while we waited to capture that little beast, we learned a little bit about squirrels.

The most important thing we learned is that squirrels are territorial. Let’s just say a squirrel somehow gets relocated to another neighborhood. There’s a good chance the new neighborhood will not welcome the squirrel, and he may have to keep moving. Sort of like a fugitive or a gypsy.

Yeah, a gypsy squirrel. That’s it.

It took a few days, but eventually the squirrel was trapped. (I know I had a picture of it, but for the life of me I can’t locate it) There was lots of information on the internet about how to dispose of the squirrel but they were all distasteful to me, so Hubby kindly relocated the squirrel to a nice wooded area.

Since that time, we’ve lived with virtually no squirrels in our yard until just recently. I’m not sure why, but this year we’ve had an influx of squirrels.

Maybe we’ve got good nuts.

Squirrel Statue

Don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here eating my nuts. (It kind of looks like it too.)

I snapped this picture out my front window on Tuesday.

Yesterday morning I snapped this one in the back yard. (Before I threw a rock at it and scared it off. Hey, I couldn’t find the BB Gun.)

This Squirrel is Nuts

Can’t a squirrel eat his nuts without someone shoving a camera at him?

All I’m saying is keep to yourself, you can eat your nuts in my tree, you can eat your nuts on the roof of my shed, but stay out of my house Mr. Squirrel, or you’ll go the same way as your predecessor. 

Heart Like a Dog

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This Means Socks

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By now most of you know I’m a big Harry Potter fan. I’ve read the books more times than I can count.

One of my favorite characters is Dobby the House Elf. For those who are unfamiliar with the Harry Potter books (really? I can’t believe it’s even possible. Go read the first book, I’ll wait.)

Just kidding.

For those unfamiliar with House Elves, these creatures live to do work for the families they serve. Typically a house elf dresses themselves in a tea towel, or a rag. To most house elves the worst thing that could possible happen to them is to be dismissed by their masters and the way their master does so is to bestow them with clothes.

In a House Elf’s mind, being presented with clothes is a horrible disgrace. 

Except for Dobby. Dobby wanted to be a free elf and his favorite piece of clothing was socks.

While dogs don’t have the reasoning capabilities House Elves do, I feel there might be some similarities between dogs and House Elves.

Specifically stated, Socks are to dogs like clothes are to House Elves.

Sampson’s been licking at his paws again, it’s getting to the point where the fur is coming off and so the other day I told him, this means socks.

Golden Lab

No Mama, please. I’ll be good.

Do you know putting socks on a dog is a lot like trying to put socks on a kicking toddler? 

Well it is. 

The only good thing? I didn’t have to worry about whether they matched his outfit or not.

Golden Lab in socks

It’s humiliating, but at least the socks match. You should see what she wears.

 

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