Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Dear Neighbor

By

It’s no secret I live in the Dumb Ass Dog Owner (DADO) Capital of the United States. I think I showed you the satellite image once, but for those of you who need proof, well here it is.

DADO Capital of Connecticut

There are many times (SO many times), when I want to just let loose on some of these folks. I siriusly thought of anonymous letters.  Tell me what you think.

To my neighbor behind me who never lets his Rottweiler off his deck. Do you ever get tired of listening to your dog bark?

I do.  Try taking him off the deck and walking him once in a while.

Sincerely,

All I want for Christmas is ear buds.

Dear Neighbor,

I noticed on my 6:00 am walk, that you have a new puppy. I also noticed, this is your second new puppy in the last couple of months. Did the Beagle puppy not get the housebreaking training you were providing? Let me clue you in. 

In my experience, the best way to train a dog to potty outside is to bring it out, STAY with it, and reward it when it does its business. Just putting it outside for half hour doesn’t work, and I’ll tell you why.

  1. Without some encouragement from you, the dog doesn’t get what you want it to do.
  2. There are predators in this area. Those “Lost Pet” signs you see, that pet isn’t lost. That pet is something’s dinner.
  3. Your puppy’s barking, annoys the shit out of your neighbors.

Maybe try picking up a good book on how to have a well trained puppy. If you need suggestions, I’d be happy to provide some.

Sincerely,

If I see you on the street, I’ll have trouble not kicking you in your special place.

When you spend as much time walking as I do, you sometimes learn the dog’s names.

Dear Bailey’s Mom,

Do you know who is responsible if your e-fence charging, barking dog gives me a heart attack as I walk past and I die in the street?

**Hint** I hope it’s you.

By the way, Hanes thanks you for my business.

Dear neighbor who feeds the birds bread,

Perhaps you’ve been living under a rock, but science has proven that bread is bad for birds. Also, how big do you think the birds are? I think a loaf of Italian bread is a bit excessive, even for the large crows in our neighborhood. If you insist on feeding the birds, please consider bird seed. I’m sure the birds and my shoulder that gets dislocated when my dog dives into the snowbank for the loaf of bread will appreciate it. 

Signed, my aching shoulder.

Dear Boomer’s mom,

I understand why you got a mini schnauzer. You told me it was because you wanted a guard dog. What I can’t understand is that when Boomer is losing his mind because something or someone is nearby how you ignore him. Also, following me down the street with your dog at the end of his retractable leash, pulling like he’s a sled dog, with you doing nothing to rein him in…is a dick move.

Dear Dan,

Oh Dan, dear Dan. I’m sorry, but a paragraph will not do you justice, you sir, you need a post all your own.

Well, now that I have THAT off my chest…Have you ever wanted to write an anonymous letter to a neighbor? If you write it on the internet, and then write it and send it anonymously, what are the odds they’d actually find it?

If I keep my eyes closed, I can pretend this never happened.

The Miracle of the Cheese Puff

By

The Miracle of the Cheese Puff, a Jodi Stone original poem. December 22, 2016

Twas’ just before Christmas, and all through the house, the appetizers were fighting, disturbing the mouse.

“What’s the problem?” Mouse asked, raising her vo-oice. “It’s Christmas time, and it’s supposed to be joy-ous.”

“There’s a slight disagreement, Spinach Dip said with some zest,”As to which one of us, is the absolute best.

“I can be used on crackers, or bread, or just plain, so I say it’s me,” Spinach Dip did explain.

“That’s ridiculous!” Pepperoni shouted from his platter, “Pepperoni and Cheese, that is what matters!”

“Speaking of Cheese,” said Cheese with a grin, Cheese and Crackers are delicious, like heavenly sin.”

“Don’t kid yourself,” Shrimp managed to speak, “Shrimp Cocktail is the dish that everyone seeks.”

“Don’t forget about us!” said the gayly arranged crudités, people gobble us down, like they haven’t eaten in days.”

“I think you’re forgetting someone,” said a voice soft as a dove, “Something so simple, that everyone loves.”

The apps looked around, to see who had spoken. The argument forgotten, the mood had been broken.

“Over here, look at me!” A voice shouted with glee, “The Cheese Puff is the most glorious app, don’t you see?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Shrimp said with a flick of his tail. “You’re a chemical shit storm, a nutritional fail.”

“Chemicals, yes” Cheese Puff stated quite clear, “But also, Corn Meal, and Milk, it’s stated right here.”

The Apps, they all laughed, some guffawed right out loud, “You’re out of your league,” the Stuffed Mushrooms solemnly vowed.

“You can laugh all you want,” Cheese Puff said with great cheer, “But I go great with wine, or soda, or beer.”

“That’s funny,” said Meatball, as onto a plate he did drop, “You’ve not one ounce of protein, you’re surely a flop.”

But Cheese Puff was convinced, and held firm in his quest.”I’m the perfect appetizer, so just give it a rest.”

“Shush, someone’s coming” Mouse said, giving the sliced Cheese a lick, “You better zip up, and zip it up quick!”

The apps all fell silent and waited, quite tense. With each of them thinking, the Cheese Puff was quite dense.

The Lady came in and looked all around, “Now what do I have to get this pill to go down?”

She searched all about, looked from platter to bowl, “That’s too spicy, too costly, too hot, no too cold.” And her arm reached past all the apps that the table did hold.

Then finally she smiled, and reached for the bowl, that was filled with as many Cheese Puffs as it could possibly hold.

She pulled out Cheese Puff, and took a small knife, and whittled a hole, without any strife. Then into the hole, she shoved a small pill, gave a small sigh and said, “This fits the bill.”

Then cupping the puff, she turned right around, and gave it to Delilah, who swallowed it down.

But Cheese Puff was heard, as he vanished from sight, “Oh how I wish that I had not. won. that. fight.”

The end.

Siriusly, the next time you need to pill your dog, try a Cheese Puff.

It’s super easy.

Stuffed Puffs!

Stuffed Puffs!

To all of you who celebrate, Merry Christmas from all of us at Heart Like a Dog.

Six Hidden Dangers in Leaves – For Dogs (and Kids)

By

Here in New England, fall is in full swing. Fall is one of, if not my favorite season. I love the cool, crisp days filled with bright sunshine, and the beauty of the trees as they ready themselves to shed their leaves in preparation for winter.

The problem is, once those trees drop those leaves and cover the ground, they can become pretty dangerous, especially to dogs.

Where I live, the town collects the leaves in the fall, which means people pile their leaves on the side of the street for the town to collect them. My neighborhood doesn’t have sidewalks, so we walk on the side of the road, right alongside (or in) the leaves.

Last week I watched a neighbor raking her leaves, while her small grandson buried himself in them, and it hit me, leaves can be dangerous for kids too! Hence the (and kids) in the title.

But they’re leaves, and they’re pretty, how can they be dangerous, you ask.

There's danger in these here leaves.

There’s danger in these here leaves.

Things to be aware of, when walking your dog (or kid) near leaves.

  • Food – When you have a Labrador with a nose for food, you really have to be watchful around leaves. Some of the people in this neighborhood haven’t gotten the memo about not feeding bread to the birds! Last week Sampson dove into a pile of leaves and came out with a wad of bread that I had to wrestle away from him. And just yesterday, Delilah came up with a cookie. A cookie! Who the hell tosses out a cookie? One would hope that a child knows better than to dig a cookie up out of a leave pile and pop it in their mouth, BUT Halloween was on Monday night, and clumsy cold little fingers could have easily dropped a candy bar. I don’t know many dogs, or kids that can resist a candy bar. For that matter, it might be tempting to some of the adults I know.
Is that a cookie I smell?

Is that a cookie I smell?

  • Curbs/Holes – Leaves can be hiding curbs or pot holes. With Sampson’s bad leg, I’m constantly worried about him stepping off a curb wrong, or twisting his leg in a hole. He’s actually fallen coming down off a curb, talk about heart stopping.  The good thing is, dog’s are like that drunk at the club, who falls down and pops right back up…”I’m okay.”
  • Sharp Objects – I’m not just talking sticks here either. Our recycle guy apparently isn’t all that accurate with the automatic bin lever. Many times I’ve found broken glass on the sides of the streets. Now, when I come home and find a mess in front of MY house, I clean it up. But most of my neighbors do not. No, those lazy asses leave it right where it fell. And those little pieces can easily get covered up by the leaves and an unsuspecting dog or child can wind up with glass in a paw or appendage. Take it from the woman who had to go to the podiatrist to have a piece of glass dug out of her foot. It’s no fun.
  • Insects – I’m specifically talking here about fleas and ticks. Ticks feed only at certain temperatures, (they don’t care for the really hot and humid, nor do they feed in the winter.) They prefer the cooler days in spring and fall. Monday, I noticed a tiny black spot on Samspon’s head, I reached out and picked it off and it was tick. (FTR he got a nice swim in some alcohol. The tick, not Sampson!) We have our yard sprayed for fleas and ticks AND because of his bad leg, Sampson hadn’t been out back, so really the only place he could have gotten it, was on our morning walk. I’m sure there’s spiders and worms in there too!  Spiders and worms and ticks, OH MY!
  • Animal Eliminations – Ewww!  Yeah, I know it’s gross to even think about, but it’s not just MY dogs that pee/poop in leaves. All dogs like to check their pee-mail and leave a reply. And,  other animals can eliminate there as well. There are number of diseases that can be transmitted by rodent droppings and Leptospirosis is on the rise in the wildlife population. Those to me are good reasons to keep my dogs out of the leaves.
Peed on 'em, now I just gotta walk away.

Peed on ’em, now I just gotta walk away.

 

  • Animals – While it’s not likely that a fox or bear is going to jump out of the leaves at you, smaller animals, such as mice and chipmunks can certainly be hiding or nesting there. Especially the chipmunks in our neighborhood; I swear those little bastards get their jollies out of antagonizing my dogs. Ever get your arm dislocated because your dog saw a mouse or chipmunk? Yeah, it’s no fun. Now, imagine being dragged down the street through a pile of leaves filled with food, glass, bugs, animals and poop.

Talk about a bad day.

Leaves can also be slippery both when they are dry AND wet, as a rule of thumb, I try to avoid them as much as possible. How about you? Do you let your dogs/kids play in the leaves, or are you like me, and try to avoid them?

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