Sometimes when Sampson chooses our morning walk he heads up the hill. When he does this he usually has only one destination in mind, the woods. Weekday mornings I sadly have to tell him, “Another time buddy” or “That’s our afternoon walk”. Our morning walks really have to be timed so I can be ready for work, so sadly that leaves us little time for the woods at that time of day.

It’s been so hot and humid lately, not to mention all the neighborhood dogs we’ve had to dodge, that I thought Sunday morning would be a good time for a morning walk in the woods.

Typically we stay on the easy to moderate trails, but the dogs love going deep into the woods. We hadn’t been on the harder trails since before Sampson tore his ACL (which was over 18 months ago), I’m not really sure what possessed me, but the dogs headed that way and I followed them.

I’m not saying it was a mistake, but I will say it wasn’t my most enjoyable walk either. Here’s why.

The bugs swarm me like the drunks swarm the all night diner at 2:00 am. I swatted at the bugs so damn many times I looked like a windmill in the middle of a hurricane. If a plane flying overhead could have seen me through the tree cover, they would have staged a rescue.

Delilah has a tendency to ‘cover’ her business when she goes. She does this by using those lethal back feet of hers and kicking whatever she can find over her ‘stuff.’ Apparently Delilah has no depth perception because she will walk twenty feet away and then without warning, let loose with the dirt. No matter how carefully I watch her, she usually catches me at least once. Sunday was no exception.  It had rained Saturday night so the leaves and dirt were wet. She got me twice. I’m pretty sure at least once, my cursing at her was heard on the rail trail.

Typically I wear socks when I hike, but it was hot. And humid. So I just threw on my sandals and out we went. Remember how I said the leaves and dirt were wet? Yeah. She got my feet.

I love hobbits, but that doesn’t mean I want my feet to look like they belong to one.

These trails have some steep hills. Heading down I’m constantly saying easy, take it easy because I don’t want to lose my footing and pull a Jill on the hill. God only knows how long I’d lie there if I broke my ‘crown.’

And how pray tell, would I swat those bugs away? And what are the odds the rescue plane would seeing my lying down?

There is still a covering of leaves on the trails as well as pebbles, small rocks and sticks, monitoring your down hill speed is imperative.

Delilah hikes like she’s the lead dog running the Iditarod, it’s worse if Sampson is on leash, because they are competing to see who gets to the smells first.

Did I mention it was hot and humid? Even at 9:30 am, in the shelter of the woods, it was hot and humid. After about 10 minutes of hiking Sampson was lagging.

The trails are narrow and don’t provide the room that walking on the road does. Delilah had my arm as stretched out as it could be and Sampson was between Delilah and me, straggling along.  Trying to keep up with Delilah while not kicking or taking out Sampson became an entirely new challenge.

Notice how he’s slightly behind her?  It got worse.

Eventually I was so concerned I’d kick him, I had to let him off leash.

Of course, once he was off-leash he had the energy to run ahead.

Come on peeps, keep up.

By the time we hit the field, I was pretty well done. I’d swatted at about 500 bugs, been covered in dirt twice, was dripping sweat in places I didn’t even know COULD sweat, and I’m pretty sure my left arm is longer than my right one from being pulled hither and yon.

Maybe playing neighborhood dodge dog isn’t as bad as I originally thought.

It’s hot and it’s humid and walking in that shit sucks. Sunday morning I walked the dogs just before 7:00 and sweat like a whore on payday.

The dogs don’t care, they still want to walk. Mornings are typically manageable, but afternoons, well it’s just too damn hot. So I’ve taken to loading the dogs in the car and heading off to the woods. Long time readers know Sampson and I love the woods. Walking in the woods this time of year has it’s good and bad points.

The Good…

• Being able to see people or dogs heading our way – we’ve had so many winter storms that damaged so many trees,  that for the most part there is good visibility on the trails. Usually it’s enough time to change direction or scream, “My dogs are on leash!”
• Not having to deal with cars – honestly the people in my neighborhood drive WAY too fast. And sometimes WAY too close. Once I had to literally jump and pull the dogs out of the way to avoid being struck!
• Being able to let Sampson off-leash – while the dogs aren’t horrible together (most days) once in the woods they are vying to lead the way. Eliminating Sampson on leash makes a world of difference with Delilah.
• Shade – even though a lot of trees are dead or damaged, there are still many more that continue to provide some relief from the relentless summer sun.
• Cooler temperatures – of course less sun usually means the woods are a tad bit cooler than street walking. Besides I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t make a good street walker. (I sweat too much.) 🙂
• Leaving the poop – no, no, I pick it up, it’s just they have a handy little receptacle at the exit of the park. It sure helps keep my garbage pail from smelling like a landfill.

The bad…

• Bugs – I hate bugs but they love me. I walk in and it’s like the all night diner at 2:00 am. Their fly bys past my ears are worthy of Tom Cruise in Top Gun. And yes, I jump and swear just like the commanding officer does. Good thing I’m not walking with coffee.
• Uncontrolled off-leash dogs – most of the people that frequent the woods walk their dogs off-leash, and when I say off-leash, I mean the people are usually one place, while their dogs are in another. Most of them just don’t care either.
• Bugs – Ever snort a bug? That shit burns worse than shooting soda out your nose. I was just walking along minding my own business and the fucker flew right up my nose.
• Dog poop – the lovely folks that let their dogs run rampant don’t clean up after them either. You gotta watch where you’re stepping.
• Bugs – I swallowed a bug last year. I was hoarse for a week and I all I could think was, “A bug, I swallowed a bug.” I don’t care what the experts say, I see absolutely no nutritional value in them and no, they don’t taste like chicken.
• Wild life – while I do love seeing the animals in their natural environment, it can sometimes be difficult to keep the dogs under control. Last week Sampson could smell something. I looked all around and finally spotted this.

Can you see it?

Whatchu looking at? Never seen a deer before?

We had a moment, enough of a moment for me to snap a couple of photos, and the dogs never caught on to what I was watching, but after the second photo, she let a big whoosh of  air out, it sounded like a honk and she took off.

• Spider webs – I wish someone would send those damn spiders a memo and tell them to stop putting their webs across trees at face height. Nothing like a clingy, sticky web in your face to make you scream like a girl.
• Clothes – in order to protect myself from the…bugs, I have to wear long pants, a long-sleeved shirt and socks. And let me tell you it gets hot being covered up.  And that still doesn’t stop them. Four years ago I got cellulitis from a deer fly that bit me THROUGH my long sleeve shirt! Most days I head home and sit in the air conditioning in my underwear.
• Bugs – nothing I spray on myself keeps those little bastards off me. Honestly, I even swat them and they STILL come back. How hard to you have to whack a bug to knock it into next week?

Now I know why they’re called bugs. They bug the ever loving shit out of me.