How are you about picking up poop?  Here’s my truth.  I don’t pick it up in the yard.

I know. I know, it’s bad and I’m not going to make excuses except to say that my yard is big and it’s woody and brushy and dog poop likes to play hide and seek there.

We’re working on getting some trees down and bushes trimmed and hopefully all the leaves and ground cover picked up, then we will start working on one area of the yard for the dogs to poop in, which should make cleaning up easier.

Until then, well let’s just say we’ll tiptoe through the tulips when we walk up there.  But siriusly, when I do find poops when I’m working up there, I pick them up.

When we go out for daily hikes I have my trusty poop bags clipped to my pants.  I’m frugal, sometimes I pick up two or three poops in one bag.  Because I roll that way.  Other days, I tie the bags together to form the dog walker’s Chinese Star. And I always pick up the poop, unless Sampson goes so far in the brush that I’d have to Army Crawl to get to it, and then I leave it.

Sue me.

But SOME of the people who walk in our park can’t be bothered to pick up after their dogs.  EVER.

The town even put up a poop station and a bunch of signs explaining WHY people should be cleaning up after their dogs.

Yeah, I thought that was overkill myself.  (The signs mysteriously disappeared a week or so later.)

Now I don’t mind picking up my dog’s poop.  They eat raw and trust me when the people who know poop tell you raw poop is different than kibble poop, well they aren’t just talking shit.  They know their shit.

My dog’s poops are hard, in fact sometimes it looks like their pooping sand, that’s how hard their poops are.  Don’t worry, they aren’t straining to go, I keep a careful eye on that, but they are hard.  Whenever I get a Mr. Softy in there, I know someone has been eating something they shouldn’t.

My point is I have no problem picking up my dog’s nice, hard poop, but for some reason some other dog’s cold, squishy doo just makes me want to puke.

Saturday I walk into the park and what’s the first thing I see?

Yup!  Somebody’s dog cranked a steamer right next to the poop station.  Sirisuly, how much lazier could you be?  If you were any closer your dog would have crapped in the container, but somehow you couldn’t manage to pick it up?

I wanted to put up a sign that said, “Hey shit for brains, you left your brains here,” but I didn’t have any paper.

Our entire walk I thought about that poop, and how horrible it was for these ass kabobs to be sitting there right next to the poop station.  I knew I had to pick up the poop but I was gagging a little just thinking about it.

By the time we finished our walk, I had a plan.  I put the dogs in the car and opened the window in the hatch, so they could stick their heads out to see what I was doing.  **Note to self, next time you take the car in for service tell the dealer that those hydraulics on the window don’t work.**

I grabbed a couple of poop bags from the station and set one on the ground next to the colon cannonballs and using a stick rolled those keister cakes onto the bag.

I folded the bag around the toxic turds and using another bag, I picked it up.  It was so much easier than picking up the soft and squishy park sausage with only one bag.

After I’d disposed of the shitsicles, I thought, I’d really love to know whose dog is doing this so I could gather all the park poop and dump it on their lawn.  Isn’t that awful?  Or maybe fill paper bags with it on Halloween and light it on fire on their front steps.

Well of course that idea is gone now since I put it on the internet, they’ll know who to look to should flaming bags of poo start appearing in my neighborhood.

Sirisuly though, there has to be a way to get through to people.  Do you have any thoughts or ideas?  Sugar does.