Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Is It Her or Me? – Barks and Bytes

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As the saga of Delilah’s liver levels continues I sometimes ask myself why I bother.  No matter how carefully I monitor what goes in her mouth, she always finds something.

Take yesterday. On our afternoon walk she tried to gobble up some poop that was smushed in the middle of the road.   Shocking right?

I mean, how the hell does dog poo get in the middle of the road?  Who lets their dog drop a deuce in the MIDDLE of the road and not clean it up?  I’m on the side of the road trying to figure out how to dig the little ball of shit out of an ice crevice and all along I could have just let them dump in the middle of the road.  And I could have left it!!

Then I came home from work last night to discover the kindling wood out in the middle of the living room.  You know the kindling wood that typically sits in a sealed plastic bag beside the fireplace.

Naughty Delilah

If I don’t look at it, it can’t capture me.

The paper you see in front of the wood is the label from INSIDE the bag.  How the hell she got that out I have no idea.  

As I picked up the wood to put it away I discovered the wood had been chewed.

You see what I mean, the dog is out to kill herself. 

Or maybe it’s me.  Maybe she’s trying to kill me. Do you think dogs think like that?

One last thing.  Today is my sister’s birthday, Happy Birthday Sheena!  I hope you have a wonderful day.  I love you!

 

Heart Like a Dog

Welcome to Thursday’s Barks and Bytes hosted by 2 Brown Dawgs and Heart Like a Dog. The Barks and Bytes hop is for anything at all and all bloggers are welcome. You don’t have to be a dog blog to join. For new blog hoppers, a blog hop is list of links that is shared on multiple blogs. In order to be fair to all participants Linda and I ask you to please use the linky list. If your blog does not support a linky list, please link back to either Linda or I.

I Should Have Named Her

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When Sampson was born to a litter of ten puppies, we seriously considered taking two, a male and a female.

Sampson Stone, three weeks old.

Can you just imagine this cuteness times 2?

We talked about all the cute names we could choose, “Jack and Jill,” “Bonnie and Clyde” and of course “Sampson and Delilah.”

As it turns out we only took Sampson, but it was a name we both loved and so it stuck.  And truthfully, I can’t imagine him with any other name.

When Sampson was almost three I broached the subject of getting him a companion, to help keep him company when we were at work.  Hubby agreed as long as we named her Delilah.

She came to us as “Ginny” (a Harry Potter name I was perfectly content to keep, but a deal is a deal) since she didn’t seem to answer to Ginny anymore than she answered to Delilah, we changed her name.

Whenever people ask us the dog’s names inevitably we get the knowing nod or the “Awe” moment when they hear both dogs names. This is Sampson (they smile) and this is Delilah.  

Everybody say it with me, “AWE!”

All that being said, I can’t tell you how many times I thought…I should have named her:

Padfoot – This is due to the way she pads along behind me or in front of me anytime she thinks she might be getting food. You’d think a dog intent on stealing food would be stealth.  Not this dog.

Alice – as in, “One of these days Alice, Pow, right to the moon!” This is usually after I’ve told her countless times to GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! Typically it’s accompanied by a bunch of swear words.  Oh who am I kidding, it’s usually the “F” word.  GET OUT OF THE FUCKING KITCHEN.  SIRIUSLY!

Delilah Stone

It’s skillz Mama, this girl has skillz.

Hoover – This is due to the fact she is like a vacuum.  She inhales her food, even when we invert her bowl to make it more challenging and she sucks food off the floor faster and cleaner than any vacuum I’ve ever had.

Lucy – as in, “Luuuuuuucyyyyy, you got some ‘splainin to do!”  This is usually when I find something shredded that wasn’t meant to be shredded.  Like the napkin I left on the couch table when I zipped into the kitchen to get some salt.  I swear I was only gone 10 seconds.

Sirius – (one of my favorite Harry Potter characters) used like, “Are you sirius?”  This is after I’ve tripped on her five times and am trying to get somewhere but she keeps walking in front of me. And it doesn’t matter if you change directions, no.  This dog has cat like skills.  The kind that can trip someone and send them tumbling down the stairs or into a wall.

Harm – as in, “Let me move these brownies to the top of the refrigerator and out of Harm’s way.” Because if you leave them anywhere within her tongue’s reach, she’s going for it. And she’s quick, like a vacuum.

What kind of thoughts did you put into naming your pets?  Do you ever think you may have chosen the wrong name?

If My Dogs Could Understand Me

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Most days I’m quite grateful for the communication system I have with my dogs.  They know a decent number of words.  Enough words so on a typical day, I get my point across.  For the most part, I get what I want and they’ve found a way to communicate what they want.

I’m very glad that Delilah cannot speak.  I imagine her to have a fast-paced, snappy, sassy way of talking.  

Not to mention nagging.  

“It’s 9 o’clock, you know that right?  9 o’clock is snack time, you know that right?  Snack time, that’s when you get up off the couch and get us our Kongs.  You remember our Kongs, don’t you?  I’m sure you do, I sat in the kitchen and watched you stuff them.  You stuffed them and put them in the freezer for 9 o’clock snack.  It’s 9 o’clock, you know that right? 9 o’clock is snack time.”

I imagine I’d get tired of that pretty damn quick.

Mostly I’m quite satisfied with our communicating technique.  But there are times, when I really wish my dogs could understand exactly what I’m saying. If my dogs could understand what I was saying for just one day, I imagine I’d have some things to tell them.

Things like:

Delilah don’t eat dog shit.  Number one, it’s disgusting and it makes your breath stink and number two, well it’s just disgusting.

Sampson, the boots are not to make your life miserable, they are to protect your feet from the cold and snow, so please do me a solid and stop trying to kick the freaking things off.

It goes for you too Delilah, the boots will not bite you when you squat to potty, so you can stop walking like there’s a stick up your ass.

Dog hates her boots.

I might have to wear these ‘boots’ but I don’t have to pose for the camera.

Sampson, I would pet and hold you all night long, if you’d only lie next to me, instead of at the bottom of the bed.

Delilah, I would love to let you run off leash all through the park, if only you’d stop eating dog shit, and going into people’s yards to see what kind of food you can scrounge.

Sampson, not every car we pass has a person in it and not every person we see is a person who likes dogs. Please stop yanking my arm out of its socket, they don’t make shirts that fit  one long and one short arm.

Delilah, there is something not right with your liver, I’m doing everything possible to keep you alive, please stop eating shit that you shouldn’t.  I assure you, you really are getting enough food.

Do you ever wish you could REALLY communicate with your dogs?  If your dogs could understand you for just one day, what would you tell them? 

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