DOG knows I’ve had my share of crazy encounters with dogs, off-leash dogs and clueless dog owners. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s an epidemic or maybe I’ve become a magnet for dumb ass dog owners.

It was a week ago this past Sunday. I had given Sampson his afternoon walk, came back and swapped dogs. Delilah and I started out and I could tell right away, she was headed for the woods. Perfect, there’s nothing I like better than a walk in the woods.

The park was in sight when a Jeep came flying up the street and parked in front of the park’s entrance. Delilah and I stopped and I watched for a few seconds and sure enough I heard a dog. I figured it would be best to hang back, let the dog get into the park and then Delilah and I could follow, choosing a different path.

If only real life went the way it does in my head.

The woman climbs out of the Jeep, while the dog explodes out, pulling the woman towards the park. Then the dog sees Delilah and gets super excited. We were a good distance away, so I wasn’t too worried about it, but I thought it might be best if we head away from the park.

We took a right to head around the block and as we began walking up the hill I peeked over to see where the woman and her dog were.

The dog was dragging the woman after us.

I increased my pace. Stopped, turned around and looked. They were gaining on us.

Then I heard a yip. Apparently the woman sat her dog down. Hard.

Maybe, just maybe I could shake them off.

I started jogging. Now here’s the thing about me and jogging…it’s not something I typically do, I don’t really mind it, but my knees. My knees are freaking useless. And when I jog, Delilah thinks for some reason that she needs to jump along beside me. Sort of like Tigger.

So I’m jogging up the hill. Right. You read that right. I didn’t jog DOWN the hill, oh no. THAT would be too easy. No, no, I jogged UP the hill, with Tigger-Delilah jumping along beside me.

And while I’m running, all I can hear in my head, is “Run Forrest, Run.”

Except I can’t. Because my knees just don’t work.  So after a long time of jogging, (about 30 seconds), I had to stop.

I looked behind me again and the woman and dog were still coming!

I started getting pissed off. For real pissed off.  And I’m thinking of all the ways this scene can play out.

• The woman catches up to us, and Delilah goes all Cujo on that dog.
• The woman catches up to us and I go all Cujo on her ass.
• I see one of my neighbors outside, and hand them Delilah’s leash and say,  “Can you hold my dog for a minute?” Then I stomp back to that woman and light her up like a grill in springtime.
• I bring Delilah home, get in my car and drive up to the park and pop that woman in her nose four or five times.

Is it just me, or do things like this happen to you too?