Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

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The Sweatshirt Incident – Barks and Bytes

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I mentioned in my last post that we had frigid temperatures this past weekend.

I’d read somewhere that your pets should only be outside as long as you can stand it yourself, and they should be dressed the same way you are.

It was below zero on Saturday and I knew damn well that Delilah wouldn’t wear the snowsuit and balaclava (to that I had one for her to begin with) so somewhere in the gray matter I call my brain, I had the bright idea to use one of my sweatshirts as a coat for the dog.

I slipped it over her head, and rolled up the sleeves. It actually fit her fairly well, you can see in the below photo that the bottom of the sweatshirt hit right at the end of her but. I couldn’t adjust her harness enough to fit it over the sweatshirt, so I used Sampson’s harness and it worked perfectly.

I think the ultimate insult was when I put her boots on.  I practically had to drag her outside. She was either embarrassed or totally pissed off. (It’s hard to tell sometimes with that one.)

You think it's cute. I don't, you better watch your back when you're sleeping.

Pissed off. Definitely pissed off.  You think it’s cute. I don’t. You better watch your back when you’re sleeping.

She walked so slowly next to me, I had to keep encouraging her to keep up. Then she’d try to move a little faster and she’d trip a little on the boot. I was a good Mama and stifled my amusement so as not to piss her off further.

After her walk it was Sampson’s turn. His walks are shorter but I still thought he should wear the sweatshirt, so I put it on him. Since he’s a bit bigger than Delilah, his harness fit over the sweatshirt too.

I can see why House Elves have an aversion to this.

I can see why House Elves have an aversion to this.

I checked it to make sure it wasn’t covering his penis and out the door we went.

My first mistake was thinking that Sampson needed a sweatshirt. He truly loves the cold and was so happy and excited to be outside, I had to keep slowing him down.

My second mistake was not taking into account where the sweatshirt would fall when he was standing up.

You see where this is going?

Two houses up we stopped so Sampson could tinkle. He lifted his leg and I bent down to make sure the sweatshirt was working the way I’d intended it to.

I knew he was peeing, but I couldn’t see it.

Then there was a drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

He was peeing in the band of the sweatshirt!

Shit!

Suddenly, the pee stream made it past the band of the sweat shirt and it looked like a balloon filled with liquid with about 15 pinholes in it. Pee was streaming out everywhere!

Sampson was oblivious to the sudden warmth on his belly, but I knew I had to get that sweatshirt off because it was so cold I didn’t want him walking with a block of urine bouncing against his stomach or worse, have the sweatshirt freeze to his skin.

Since his ACL injuries, Sampson can’t just stand around. Typically he lies down, or if he HAS to, he’ll sit.

I had to make sure I had some control on him, because I needed to remove the harness in order to remove the sweatshirt, so in this instance, he sat. Once he was secure and I knew he wasn’t taking off on me, I then had to remove  the sweatshirt without getting dog piss all over me or him.

Of course, once I got it off, I still had to carry it home. Thankfully his walks are shorter than Delilah’s.

The next day, Delilah wore the sweatshirt WITHOUT the boots and Sampson…well let’s just say, Sampson went commando.:-)

It's better without the boots, not much better, but better.

It’s better without the boots, not much better, but better. You can rest easy again.

 

Heart Like a Dog

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Well THAT Gets The Heart Rate Up

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The first thing I do in the morning after I shut that damn alarm off is to check the weather.

Friday my phone said it was 7° out. After pulling on my jacket, boots and ski pants I asked Hubby if I could borrow his balaclava.

It was my first time wearing a balaclava and as Delilah and I strolled down the street I thought, No wonder he likes wearing it, the heat from your breath stays on the inside and warms your face. I made a mental note to try and find one that fit my head, not his.

Since it was so cold out I didn’t expect Delilah and I to encounter any yard dogs, but sure enough, one of her arch-enemies was out in his/her yard.

There are actually two dogs in this yard and while there is no sign indicating so, I assume they are on an invisible fence. Delilah’s arch-enemy likes to run back and forth along the property line and bark at us as we walk past.

I’ve worked really hard with Delilah on getting her past this house. Delilah has attitude and her attitude is, I’m all that and a bag of chips and if you mess with me, I will fuck you up. Without me redirecting her, she is looking for that dog and itching for it to challenge her so she can show that dog her bad ass self.

Delilah’s arch-enemy watches for dogs coming down the street, and Delilah watches for her arch-enemy. The minute I see this dog, I bring out my treats and tell Delilah, not your business. 

Which is exactly what I did on Friday morning. So there we are walking down the left side of the street and Delilah is on my left. The arch-enemy’s house is on the right side of the street, giving us a distance of about 25 to 30 feet.

Delilah is attentively looking up at me as I’m breaking pieces of freeze-dried beef lung up and feeding them to her. As predicted, the dog is barking at us.

Delilah's Arch Enemy

Delilah’s Arch Enemy

This is the hairy part.

We were about half-way past this house and I can hear this dog barking on my right. Suddenly I realize that the dog sounds pretty close to me. I turn my head to the right and there, in the middle of the road, is the damn dog, now only about 8 to 10 feet away from me.

What the actual fuck dog?

Delilah was still focused on me, which was a totally good thing, so I looked at that dog and I said, “Get over there! Get in your own yard!”

To my complete and utter surprise, the dog turned around and went into its yard, where it watched us as closely as I watched it. That is at least until I felt we’d reached a safe enough distance so I could drop my guard.

I don’t think Delilah ever saw that the dog was that close to me, and that was good. Because a dog sneaking up on her six, especially when food was involved would not have ended well.

No dog wants to surprise Delilah with a nose in her ass, because she will turn around and give you a face full of chocolate the likes of which will scare the Bejesus out of you.

My heart was pumping in my chest and I started to breathe a little harder and said, well THAT gets the heart rate up.

But Delilah was unfazed.

Of course I'm a rock star, Labs rock!

Of course I’m a rock star, Labs rock!

Now about that balaclava….just my observation… If you’re going to wear a balaclava and glasses, make sure it’s not covering your nose, especially if there’s a possibility that you might be breathing hard. 🙂