Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

So There’s This Giant Snowman…

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For a long time I struggled with where this blog was going.  How do I attract readers? Siriusly.  It seems no matter what I do, I can’t grow beyond 100 subscribers.

One of my biggest character flaws is I don’t know how to accept no for an answer.  Which basically means I don’t know when to give up.  If I do it just one more time….maybe I’ll get a different outcome.  What if the NEXT time I do that, it works?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~ Albert Einstein

Who can argue with Einstein?  Maybe Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, but certainly not Jodi from Heart Like a Dog.

Some people would say it’s time to let the blog go.

But I can’t do that.  I love this blog and I love all of you who read and comment.  You bring me up when I’m feeling down, you celebrate with me when something good happens, and you rally around one another like family, friends and neighbors should do when one of our own needs it.

Dammit!  You people are awesome!

One could argue that I’m still finding my way and learning what works and doesn’t work on this blog.  Or that I’m too stubborn and refuse to do it any way but mine.

Either one of those statements would probably be right.

So I keep trying new things to see what folks like.  I really want this blog to be a place where people come to laugh and feel good, even when they’re dealing with something frustrating, like a training issue.  Can I share a struggle I had, and inject a little humor in there and help someone else feel better?

I’d like to think so.

I tell you all of this because I’m trying something new.  I’m not going to sit here with panties full of piss and whine because I’m wet.  I’m making some changes!

Panties

 Image courtesy of AJ from I Still Want More Puppies.

This is my little avatar/cartoon me that my friend and soul sister AJ, from I Still Want More Puppies made for me.  It’s for the times I feel like going on a rant.

Can I tackle a tough subject and make it funny?  I’d like to try.  SO, you may be seeing my little cartoon coming out on the blog now and then when something gets me riled up and I feel like climbing up on my soapbox.

But first you have to tell me, do you think the little cartoon me should be serious like the above photo or smiling like this one?

jodi cartoon

This cartoon is also courtesy of the amazing Aj, from I Still Want More Puppies.

Switching topics, we’ve had an awful lot of snow in the last couple of weeks and I happened to notice this snowman in front of a house around the corner from where I live.  It is the biggest snowman I’ve ever seen.

BIGSnowman

 Sorry for the crappy quality, I took it with my phone.  Why do they tell me the phone has an awesome camera?  I think it sucks.

Can you tell from the photo that it’s at least six or seven feet tall?  Do you think the folks that live in the house would think it weird if I stopped and asked if I could have my picture taken with the snowman?

Heart Like a Dog

This is Thursday’s Barks and Bytes, hosted by 2 Brown Dawgs and Heart Like a Dog.  Grab a badge and join the fun!

Damn It’s Spam

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Once upon a time when I was a child, Spam was a meat that came in a can.  I didn’t like that kind of Spam and I typically don’t like the blogging kind of Spam either.

I have that Akismet plug in installed on this blog.

You know the one.  It catches all those evil peeps who leave nasty spam comments on your blogs.  Even though my Akismet is on the ball, I like to go through my spam folder every couple of days, it’s a good thing too.  Today I found seven comments in my folder that weren’t Spam!

A while back a lot of bloggers were getting Harry Potter spam and were talking about it on Facebook.  As long time readers know, I am a HP FREAK fan so I anxiously checked the folder and discovered I had indeed been blessed by some HP semi-quotes.  I say semi-quotes because all of you know, that spam usually has some grammar or spelling errors.

I save some of the Spam comments and thought I’d share then with you.  The Spam comments will be in italics while my responses to them will be bold.

I’m not going to share the Potter quotes because with the exception of bad spelling, they are real quotes.  Except for this one.  I can’t recall ever seeing this quote in any of the HP books.

“Have you got anything for me?” Harry asked, but she seemed distracted by his lit wand-tip.

Is it me or does that sound sexual to you?  

Today, I visited the beach front with my children. I discovered a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and stated “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and shouted. There was a hermit crab in…

Siriusly dude, you didn’t check inside the shell BEFORE handing it to a four-year-old?   WTF is wrong with you?  Do you have sand for brains? You’re a special kind of stupid aren’t you?

The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I know it was my selection to read, but I truly thought youd have some thing fascinating to say. All I hear is often a bunch of whining about something which you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

I actually thought this might be a good comment, because I do sometimes whine.  Except you don’t know how to use apostrophes.  Really?  You can make a spyder bot that can troll the web leaving comments, but you can’t figure out how to us apostrophes?  I may be a whiner, but you’re fucking useless.

Hello Delilah, Thank you for posting your story. I rellay admire you for joining the church when your parents are not members, and then serving a mission. You are a good example to your nieces and nephews. I’m sure they benefit from you playing with them, and teaching them about the church. I am a 68 year old grandmother living in Sandy, Utah USA.

1-14-14

Hey Grandma, thanks for the comment.  I’m glad there is someone out there who appreciates me and my skillz   You are super smart to realize I’m on a mission but I don’t do know anything about nieces or nephews.  Do they have food?  Are they like those mini-two leggers that Mom calls grandchildren?  If so, they might be useful because they aren’t really coordinated with food, so there’s lots of opportunities for me.  Speaking of opportunities, what kind of food do you eat Grandma?  How’s your eyesight?  Do you drop a lot of food?  Do you need help cleaning up your house? Find me on Facebook Grandma, let’s talk. You scratch my butt, I’ll clean your floors.

Life is short, and this aritcle saved valuable time on this Earth.

Well thank you, glad to be of service.   Maybe with that spare time you can look up article in the dictionary and memorize the correct way to spell it.

Do you ever read your spam?  Do you ever want to approve it and answer it?  Would you have answered this Spam any differently?

My Dog is a Giant Ass Clown

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Last week I confessed that I called Delilah a Giant Ass Clown.   I was somewhat relieved to discover that many of you call your dogs names as well, it helped a little to alleviate my guilt.

But it also got me thinking about why I call her names.  I’m a person who likes to diffuse tense situations with humor.  I will crack a joke, drop an F-bomb, lower or raise my voice to inject a little humor in a tense situation.

So when Delilah does something with the potential to push me beyond my limit, I call her names.  It helps break the tension for me.

How’s that for self realization?

Most of the time Delilah’s antics amuse me.

Most. Of. The. Time.

Of course sometimes what she does is so unbelievable that I can’t laugh right away, it takes some time to process, but generally I can laugh after the fact.  Some times it’s well after the fact.

Even the time she ate so much dog poop that she threw it up.

In my house.

Twice.

It took me about two months (probably right after I finally got the smell to go away)  to laugh about that.  Some people know how to make an entrance, Delilah knows how to clear a house.

Skillz some peeps would say.

It’s almost automatic when she does something crazy for Giant Ass Clown or Douche Bag, or some other crazy name to slip out.  The other day I called her a Douche Bag and Hubby called her Douchelilah.  THAT made me laugh.  I may store that somewhere in my tiny brain and bring it out when she does something totally off the wall.

Something like:

  • Using the dog bed I was repairing as a giant stuffy and de-stuffing it.
Dear dog woman, what are you complaining about? It's not like you vacuum that room.

Dear dog woman, what are you complaining about? It’s not like you vacuum that room.

  • Always managing to walk in front of me and block my way, wherever I am going.
  • Stretching her foot out in a bow just as I place my foot down, almost tripping me in the process.
  • Standing on the rug or the bed when I’m trying to straighten it.
  • Licking oil out of a pan on the stove.
  • Stealing 7 pounds of chicken necks out of the sink.
  • Standing right in the section of the room I am trying to vacuum.
  • Sticking her head in the garbage to remove a goody, just as I’m sticking my hand in there to throw something out.
  • Cleaning up Sampson’s poop while I was busy shoveling snow.
I was just trying to help. You could show a little gratitude.

I was just trying to help. You could show a little gratitude.

  • Racing me into the kitchen when I get up to check on something cooking on the stove.
  • Squeezing herself into a tiny spot, just so she can be close enough to me to harass me about her snack.
  • Running in front of me on my way to the kitchen.
  • Being underfoot whenever there is food around.
  • Taking anything that has any food remnants and cleaning it up.

Or yesterday when I was kneeling on the floor loving on Sampson and she stuck her nose right in my ass.

Yup, Giant Ass Clown it is.

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