My love,

Today you would have turned 17. I honestly never had the breath to hope for 17 years with you, although I know there are some dogs that do live to that age. Still, the fact you are not here saddens me.  Not a day goes by when I don’t think of you and Delilah and shed at least a few tears. Life here is lonely without you. I’m lost with no sense of purpose.  Blogging no longer brings me joy, though I feel compelled on birthdays and death dates to push myself to write. There are no more new photos, no puppy kisses, cuddles or walks.

More than anything I wish Heaven had visiting hours, but then again, I’d probably never leave you.

Happy Birthday my sweet boy, I will always be grateful you chose me for your Mama.

My love, today it is one year since we helped you to the Bridge.  It has been the hardest, saddest year of my life.  Not only have we suffered through a pandemic and a year of isolation, I’ve also been dealing with a herniated disc, which gives me excruciating back pain. I thought it was on the mend, but just this past week it started up again.  As you know, Delilah joined you in December.  She helped me so much after you left. We knew we didn’t have a lot of time left with her, because of her age, but we had hoped she would be with us at least through the spring.Sadly, the best laid plans and all that.

I swear I have cried more this past year than I have cried my entire life.  The only thing I can say about this year is, I’m still here. But I’m lost, so lost. You and Delilah were such an intricate part of my life and right now, I’m struggling to make sense of how to continue without you. I wish there were visiting hours in Heaven, as I would give anything to see you and snuggle you again.

Know that I miss you every single minute of every single day and life is just not the same without you my love.

Until we meet again, I love you with all my heart and soul.

Love,

Mom

The very first time I heard the phrase, “Days of Grace” was from Kim at Life at Golden Pines.

Days of Grace simply put means, when your pet is at the end of their journey and your vet has told you your time is limited and your pet continues on past that predicted day, you are now living with Days of Grace. Those precious days, hours and minutes that go beyond what you expected.

This is where we are with Sampson. Days of Grace.

Sampson’s back legs have been failing for quite a while now. We are giving him as much support as we can, but we know our time is short. He is on pain medication, nerve blockers, anti-inflammatories, joint support. I walk him twice a day to help keep those joints moving.

Last Sunday, Sampson couldn’t get up. He’s part Lab, so of course he tried, but he just couldn’t manage it. He couldn’t get up to eat, to drink or to pee. Hubby managed to get him outside so he could relieve himself (Sampson, not Hubby) and I said, “I don’t want it to be at the emergency vet.”

We managed to get Sampson into a double harness, which we left him in overnight on Sunday. It allowed Hubby to get Sampson outside twice a day to potty.

Monday I called the vet and brought Sampson in. My son-in-law was able to help me get Sampson to the car and then he lifted him in. Hubby met me at the vet and the staff came out and helped us get Sampson inside, he laid on the blanket and that’s where he stayed.

After examining him the vet said those words no pet owner wants to hear, “His quality of life is not there.”

As we sat there chatting with our vet and getting the information for in-home euthanasia, Hubby and I mentioned how Sampson had chased the cat on Saturday and tried to do some running on his walk. We wondered if maybe he had just overdone it and needed some time to rest. Our vet recommended we give him a full dose of Adequan the next morning and give him a couple of days. She said if he doesn’t rally, then he’s telling us it’s time.

I sobbed all the way home.

Tuesday morning, Sampson was pretty much the same. Hubby and I got him out to potty and he made his way to the gate. His will for the walk was there, but his body denied him.

I gave him a full shot of Adequan, left instructions with my grandson to give him his meds and went to work. I spent the day reading up on euthanasia, preparing myself for what’s to come.

On my lunch, I went to the market and bought three pounds of steak. When the woman at the counter said something about the cut of meat, I told her it was for the dog. She gave me a funny look until I said, “He’ll be leaving us soon and I want him to have his favorite foods.” She turned away from me then.

My grandson Facetimed me Tuesday afternoon and I walked him through getting Sampson’s meds. A half hour later, my grandson Facetimed me again, Sampson had stood up and walked to his water bowl!

When I Hubby and I got home Tuesday night, Sampson was waiting at the back door to go outside to potty. He tottered over to greet us, then back to the door, outside to potty, then made his way over to his ‘happy place.’

Wednesday night, Sampson wanted his walk. I kept it short, but he did it and he’s done it every day since.

Days of Grace.