Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Picking Up Poop is Dangerous

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The Daddy gets up earlier than the Mama on week days, and Sampson and Delilah usually get up with him.  Since Sampson had his partial ACL tear the Mama insists that someone go out with Sampson to insure he’s not running around and doing stupid things like jumping off the wall.  Don’t laugh, I actually caught him trying to do that.

But when the Mama is sleeping and the Daddy is getting ready for work, sometimes the Daddy cheats and doesn’t go out with them.

This means sometimes the dogs poop in the yard without benefit of someone picking it up.

After the Mama gets up, and gets the dog’s food ready, gets herself ready and feeds the dogs, she takes the dogs outside again and then it’s a race to see who can get to the dog poop first.

Delilah has the advantage because she knows the potty spots.

Since I’m out there hunting poop piles, I can usually catch her and stop her with a “NO!”

Dogs who are raw fed have harder, more compact poop than kibble fed dogs.  That’s a fact.  And I think it freezes faster and harder.  That is not in fact a fact, it’s a theory of mine.

As it is in many areas of the country, it’s been very cold lately.  If I were Jen, I might go outside and throw water in the air to see if it would freeze before it hit the ground.  But I’m not Jen and with my luck, I’d just drench myself OR the water would freeze on the ground and then I’d slip and fall on my ass.

How are you with math?  Let’s add this up.  The dogs are outside without benefit of supervision.  It is cold and they are dropping warm poop on cold snow, in freezing air.

Are you following me?

Let me simplify it.  Some mornings I am out in the cold trying to pry up hard poop that is frozen to the snow.

Pay no attention to the poor polish job I did on my nails. I assure you my left hand looks spectacular.

No that is not nail art and yes, I did a poor job painting my nails.

 

Which is how it came about that I scraped my thumb on either ice or dog shit.

Don’t get your panties in a wad, if it was in fact dog shit that cause my scrape I didn’t actually TOUCH the poop.  The best thing I can figure is when I was trying to pry the turd up, I either hit ice with my bare finger or the poop was so hard, it scraped my thumb through the poop bag.   My fingers were so freaking cold from digging in snow that I couldn’t feel anything and it wasn’t until I got inside that I saw the blood.

Naturally I washed my hands and put antibiotic cream on it.

The problem was I was outside without gloves because I can’t manage the poop bags with my gloves.  Yes, I know Jodi Chick had a DIY pair of grippy gloves but what can I say, I’m lazy.

So there I was wondering how I was going to remedy this situation when guess what came in the mail?

Nothing to worry about here NSA, keep on trolling.

Nothing to worry about here NSA, keep on trolling.

 

I couldn’t remember ordering anything and couldn’t imagine what was inside, so I opened it.

Holy woof, just what I needed!!

Holy woof, just what I needed!!

 

OMG it’s FrostFingers gloves from Earth Rated!!   I’m so excited about these gloves!!  You can tear a bag off and open it without having to take your gloves off.  Which means the next morning, I was safely able to pick up poop with no danger to my hands.

Have you ever had a special pair of gloves for picking up poop in the cold?  Did you make them yourself or buy them?

**I was given a free pair of gloves from a Facebook contest held by Earth Rated.  I was not compensated in any other way, nor was a post required in order to receive the gloves.  The thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I will only share products I feel are relevant or of interest to Heart Like a Dog readers.

Damn It’s Spam

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Once upon a time when I was a child, Spam was a meat that came in a can.  I didn’t like that kind of Spam and I typically don’t like the blogging kind of Spam either.

I have that Akismet plug in installed on this blog.

You know the one.  It catches all those evil peeps who leave nasty spam comments on your blogs.  Even though my Akismet is on the ball, I like to go through my spam folder every couple of days, it’s a good thing too.  Today I found seven comments in my folder that weren’t Spam!

A while back a lot of bloggers were getting Harry Potter spam and were talking about it on Facebook.  As long time readers know, I am a HP FREAK fan so I anxiously checked the folder and discovered I had indeed been blessed by some HP semi-quotes.  I say semi-quotes because all of you know, that spam usually has some grammar or spelling errors.

I save some of the Spam comments and thought I’d share then with you.  The Spam comments will be in italics while my responses to them will be bold.

I’m not going to share the Potter quotes because with the exception of bad spelling, they are real quotes.  Except for this one.  I can’t recall ever seeing this quote in any of the HP books.

“Have you got anything for me?” Harry asked, but she seemed distracted by his lit wand-tip.

Is it me or does that sound sexual to you?  

Today, I visited the beach front with my children. I discovered a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and stated “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and shouted. There was a hermit crab in…

Siriusly dude, you didn’t check inside the shell BEFORE handing it to a four-year-old?   WTF is wrong with you?  Do you have sand for brains? You’re a special kind of stupid aren’t you?

The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I know it was my selection to read, but I truly thought youd have some thing fascinating to say. All I hear is often a bunch of whining about something which you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

I actually thought this might be a good comment, because I do sometimes whine.  Except you don’t know how to use apostrophes.  Really?  You can make a spyder bot that can troll the web leaving comments, but you can’t figure out how to us apostrophes?  I may be a whiner, but you’re fucking useless.

Hello Delilah, Thank you for posting your story. I rellay admire you for joining the church when your parents are not members, and then serving a mission. You are a good example to your nieces and nephews. I’m sure they benefit from you playing with them, and teaching them about the church. I am a 68 year old grandmother living in Sandy, Utah USA.

1-14-14

Hey Grandma, thanks for the comment.  I’m glad there is someone out there who appreciates me and my skillz   You are super smart to realize I’m on a mission but I don’t do know anything about nieces or nephews.  Do they have food?  Are they like those mini-two leggers that Mom calls grandchildren?  If so, they might be useful because they aren’t really coordinated with food, so there’s lots of opportunities for me.  Speaking of opportunities, what kind of food do you eat Grandma?  How’s your eyesight?  Do you drop a lot of food?  Do you need help cleaning up your house? Find me on Facebook Grandma, let’s talk. You scratch my butt, I’ll clean your floors.

Life is short, and this aritcle saved valuable time on this Earth.

Well thank you, glad to be of service.   Maybe with that spare time you can look up article in the dictionary and memorize the correct way to spell it.

Do you ever read your spam?  Do you ever want to approve it and answer it?  Would you have answered this Spam any differently?

Canine Olympics, February 11, 2014

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I’m an Olympic junky.  Winter, summer it doesn’t matter, when the Olympics are on I’m watching.  I’ve been known to fall asleep with the TV on, wake up, watch some Olympics and go back to sleep.

I love cheering for my fellow countrymen, or cheering for the under dog and god knows I love an Olympian who has overcome adversity to get where they are.

To say I LOVE the Olympics would be an understatement.

Except for this year.

This year I can’t bring myself to watch the Olympics.  What with the government sanctioned vigilante groups hunting and administering punishment to homosexuals, to the culling of over 7,000 stray dogs, to the un-prepared hotel rooms, to statements that there is no guarantee that our athletes are safe.

I just can’t do it.

Which is why I’m getting my fix from the Canine Olympics.  A sporting event based on skills you may or may not be aware your dog even has! Long time readers may remember the first Canine Olympics I wrote about.   You can read that here.

So without further ado, we’ll turn this post over to our Canine Commentators,  ESPN’s own Chris Barkman and NBC’s John Maddog.

Chris:  Well John here we are again at the 2nd annual Canine Olympics, we’ve got a couple of new events this year, so why don’t you do the honor and introduce our first event.

John: Delighted to be here Chris and so excited to see two veteran canine’s here representing their breed.

First up we have a beautiful Chocolate lab named Delilah.  You may remember Delilah from the first Canine Olympics when she went in a little to far in the butt sniffing event.

Word has it her handler has been working her very hard and has enrolled her this year in the Long Dump.

Watch Delilah’s skill in this event, she squats, drops the first log and then without breaking the hunch, walks while she continues to drop logs.  The uneducated may refer to this event as shit walking, BUT this is a true art form.  This is basically a measured event beginning where the dog first drops and measuring to the last log launched before the dog breaks form.

Long dump

If you take a look at our interactive screen our orange arrow is highlighting the final entry.  We have to wait for a measurement from the judges, but this looks like a good fifty feet!  She’s done it!!  She’s captured the gold in this event, with a long dump of 52.4 feet!

Chris:  Next up is the Path Block event.  In this event, it is up to the canine to block the handler from proceeding down the path.

As you can see, Sampson a golden lab and a big beefy boy has effectively prevented his handler from progressing.  You can see the foot prints leading towards the path, but there is no way to proceed without heading off the trail, which would result in a half point deduction to the handler.

pathblock-2-11-14

Let’s see what the judges have to say, 9.8 great mark for a great performance.  Looks like this dog is going to get gold as well!

What’s up next John?

John: This next event is new to the Canine Olympics and it’s called Sack-a-Mattack.  In this event the dog, is required to get the leash to entwine on the poop bag, looping the leash at least once around the bag and see if they can replicate a ball sack.

The Chocolate Lab, Delilah is once again up, let’s take a peek in and see how she’s doing.

sack-a-ma-tack -FEB

Ah, it’s a thing of beauty!  She’s tightened the leash just enough and darted around a tree and split the bag perfectly.  If I didn’t know better I’d ask the twins where Jimmy was.

She nailed this Sack-a Mattack!  This dog is poetry in motion.

Over to you Chris.

Chris:  Our last event of this Olympics is the Down-Hill Peeing event.  Up once again is Sampson.  He’s a really handsome guy.

He’s on the course, he’s sniffing, he’s found his mark!

Yup, he’s right on the money.

downhill peeing

For the dogs of Sochi!

John:  Double gold for Sampson!!

Have you been watching the Olympics, or are you like me getting your fix somewhere else?

 

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