I have a theory and it goes like this.  Dogs have lived with humans for so long, they’ve begun to think like us.

Hear me out.

Men

In general I think most women will agree that men think with a certain part of their anatomy.  Come on you’ve heard the saying, “Think with your big head and not with your little one.”

You’ve probably all known a man in your life who deals with a woman just not right for him.  When you question him or encourage him to move along you find out that he’s really hanging around for the little somethin, somethin that he’s been getting.

When they are not thinking with their little heads, they are logical thinkers, linear even.  Let me think this through, if I do this then this will happen and so on and so forth.

Women

Women think with their hearts.  When they fall in love, they’re in for the long haul, it takes a lot to break the love of a woman.  After all, the heart wants what the heart wants and there is no denying the heart.  When you question your woman friend who’s in a bad relationship, undoubtedly you will get “But I love him.”

The different thought process of men and women holds true during an argument.  The man is thinking, I should just give in and then we can have make-up sex, while the woman is thinking, we have to talk this thru so my heart stops hurting.

Children

Children think with their souls, they are so pure and innocent and most don’t know about being bad until we teach them.  No Johnny, that was a bad thing to hit the cat.   “Ahh, what is this bad that you speak of?  Tell me more…”

But what does that have to do with dogs?

Ah, I’m glad you asked.

Dogs

They are like men in the fact that they think logically.  Hmm if I plop my butt on the ground when she tells me to sit, I get a treat.

Most of them aren’t opposed to a little humping either. 🙂

Dogs are like women because they love with their whole heart.  They love so unconditionally and want so desperately to please us, which is one of the reasons they have been our companions for so many years.

They are like children because their souls are pure and really haven’t known evil until we introduced it to them.  Seriously, until man got involved there was no such thing as a bad dog.

Delilah

Delilah thinks with her stomach.

I. Kid. You. Not.

This dog is so obsessed with food that I’m afraid I am going to have to find a different way to train her.  Her “Gotcha Day” is coming up at the end of next month.  On that day we will celebrate five years.

Five years and I still haven’t been able to teach her to wait while I prepare her meals.

I walk into the kitchen and pull out their food bowls and she goes wild.  She is jumping, running and barking.

Oh the barking.

It. Drives. Me. To. Drink.  Yes, many nights I pour myself a shot of Tequila while I am waiting for her to settle down.

(I kid.)  But now that I think of it….

I digress.

I’ve tried ignoring her with no results.

I’ve tried looking at her and this works for a few seconds.  Then she is up on her feet again.  If she does sit, she is usually very vocal, barking or whining as if that could actually make me hurry up. (Ok, it might, if I thought it would shut her up, but I refuse to give in.)

Meanwhile, the Golden Boy is sitting where he has been told to sit and patiently waiting while Delilah and I (or Hubby) do this crazy, mosh-pit dance.

The last couple of days I’ve taken to ignoring her completely and just feeding Sampson, and then Bob, and then Sampson’s second course.  All the while Delilah is standing there looking at me, tail wagging in anticipation.

Hubby likes to use the intimidation method (which I hate) and stand in front of her with his hands on his hips.  I recently said, “I don’t want you intimidating her like that” and he said, “I”m not intimidating her, I’m blocking her.”

Ooops, I guess Hubby’s thinking with his big head because if he was thinking with the little one he’d know he’s not scoring any points with me on this one.

Sometimes I will ask, “Do you want to go in your crate?” She understands this enough to settle down and truthfully I could just put her in the crate when it was time to prepare her meals and just let her out when I was ready for her.

Training

She is equally as difficult when I try to use the clicker and food.  She is so focused on the food in my hand, that she absolutely cannot comprehend what I want her to do.

I’m. Not. Kidding.

I left a comment on a blog once where I asked, what do you do if the dog is too focused on the food.  The author suggested using food with lesser value.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was using a green bean.

This is the part where I throw it out to you.  Would you simply accept the fact that Delilah will never be able to sit quietly while her meals are being prepared and just put her in her crate, or would you try a different method of training?

I’m all ears.

And just for the record, tonight when we tried to get her antics on video, she sat like a perfect dog.