I think my dogs are trying to kill me.
Don’t scoff at me like that, I have proof! One of these days one of my dogs is going to kill me.
You’re delusional. They make medication for that you know.
It could be from a skull fracture in the house because:
- Delilah lies on the floor under my reclining seat and I do the wide-legged dance to get up and over her and instead she gets up right as I do and I fall into the stone on the fireplace.
- Delilah races me to the kitchen after I successfully do the wide-legged dance, she trips me and I tumble down the stairs.
- Delilah stands in the doorway of any door I’m trying to enter or exit and I fall over her and smack my head into the wall.
Oh Mama, are you being dramatic again?
Of course it could always be a massive coronary because:
- Sampson barks, twitches, and jumps while he’s sleeping next to you and you’re certain he’s having some kind of seizure.
- Delilah barks or growls during the night because you moved your feet too close to her. (You know how startling it is to have a dog bark in the middle of the night, it’s like the telephone ringing. It really gets your heart racing.)
- Sampson can’t remember he had expensive ACL surgery and jumps off a three foot wall. (I think I really felt a pain in my chest when I saw that.)
- Delilah eats anything (and everything) she can find, regardless if it’s edible or not.
On second thought, it’s more than likely to happen outside because:
- Delilah steps in front of me on our walks trying to get at the treat bag and trips me and I fall in the road.
- Sampson and Delilah tug me so hard on our walk that I slip and hit my head on a rock.
- Delilah runs around me to grab a treat and wraps the leash around me.
She is NOT on a two-foot leash.
My best guess is, it will be because Sampson and Delilah each want to travel down a different path and face plant me into a tree.
Watch out for that…….tree.
These dogs….I swear. A lot actually. 😉
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That is so funny! I think if any of my animals were going to kill me, I think it would be how you described tripping over Delilah but it would be one of my cats. LOL My dogs just try to get me to step in other dog’s crap. That’s the worst thing they do. Haha. They lead me right through it.
Oh, I can relate! While I was making dinner tonight, Gus assumed his position directly in front of the stove. And since he is a big dog, he lies in front of the whole stove. As I wedge my feet in between his front paws, thinking it will be uncomfortable for him and he will move, he pushes back a little to regain his rightful position! He also like to move a lot in the kitchen, so I constantly fall over him.
“What, Mom?”
Sampson, be careful. Don’t you remember the months of rehabilitation. Your Mom can’t go through that again!
You must be physically and mentally worn out after a walk!
Gus’ Mom
Quite the handful, especially since they are big dogs too! Take care. Don’t get killed.
OMG! I was doubtful about your title, but now that you’ve filled in the details I think you’re RIGHT! Your dogs are trying to kill you. Don’t be fooled by their innocent faces. They have a plan…. And some really cute, innocent faces…
Yep, you’re screwed…. can I have the dogs??
Those two. Hope they aren’t the death of you….lol. Love the tree picture!
LOL You crack me up, Jodi!
hahahaha, yup they are trying to kill you but I hope it doesn’t happen for a long long time. 🙂
Too funny…probably because we can all relate so much – especially that last one. I thought I bought it once when Jack got away from me and chased something down a steep embankment. He was oblivious to me calling him back and I had to make my way down this embankment without falling and then try to grab his collar…life flashing before my eyes. Great post.
GEE we do that same sort of stuffs to OUR mom. We thought she LIKED it. Esp. the laying in front of the Cliner Chair… Wide legged walk… We though she did it fur Exercise. GEEEEEEeeeeeeeee do you mean that we are TOTALLY Wrong?
NOTE TO SELF: Think of some different thingys to do fur mom. 1. PHARRT instead of BARK in the night.
LOL…You better be extra careful my friend.
Dogs can be so devious. I had to stop going up steep inclines on our hikes because Blueberry thought it was fun to run back down said incline – even though she knows I am not at all graceful. I saw a helicopter rescue in my future – probably more like a body recovery; hence, no more up the steep hill hikes. As for her planting herself in front of me when I am working in the kitchen – I tell her, “You need to move”. No one was more surprised than I was when that worked the first time and has ever since. 🙂
For your hubby: Please get Jodi some protective gear for Christmas – I’m thinking helmet, knee pads, etc.
Mom swears a lot, quite loudly actually, on our walks. We try to kill her too with pulling and taking off after critters when she isn’t paying attention for a second. Oddly, though, she has had many jogging accidents while running with dogs, but only one was the fault of the dog, the others were her own doing and all those injuries were far worse than anything we have done. You humans just need to learn to be more robust and run more when we walk you!
Good grief…talk about terrorists! Haha. I think all dogs are trying to kill their owners, one little episode at a time. I think yours take the prize though, some of those face plants sound very painful. Stay safe…and sane. 🙂
Oh my dawg! I think all dog owner can give an AMEN to this one! I sure can …
Oh Jodi, I can always count on you for a good belly laugh! Thanks! Ducky and Delilah must be related — Ducky will eat anything and everything outside, too! I swear I don’t know how she doesn’t get sick sometimes! The probiotics must really be doing their job well! Be careful out there, my friend!
BOL! Please tell me you have good health insurance. 🙂
BTW, your problem is that Sampson and Delilah are fearless. When I go stumbling around the house with heavy items, Honey runs from the room. She’s afraid I’ll fall on her.
Oh dear! If Barley was better with other dogs, I’d tell you to send them to the Beth and Barley bootcamp and we’d help you out with at least the outdoor dangers! Some times, we take my parents’ dog on a walk with us and Barley and I both “herd” her and keep her in line! I think she’s always glad when she’s back with my mom who doesn’t make her heel like Barley and I do all the time 😉
Walking two dogs at once it hard!! I did it some when I had both foster dog Henry and Ginger staying with me some this spring… I definitely feel for people who do this on a regular basis! It does sometimes feel like you might die. Especially if there is a squirrel… or a cat on the sidewalk….
Great post!! I am totally with you on this! Sheba is the one you don’t want to try to step over around here. I just wanted you to know that cats can get in on the action too. My old cat is going to trip me up one of these days in the kitchen and I’m going to crack my head on the counter. Or have a heart attack after I’ve stepped on something soft and don’t know what it was. 🙂