Once upon a time when I was a child, Spam was a meat that came in a can. I didn’t like that kind of Spam and I typically don’t like the blogging kind of Spam either.
I have that Akismet plug in installed on this blog.
You know the one. It catches all those evil peeps who leave nasty spam comments on your blogs. Even though my Akismet is on the ball, I like to go through my spam folder every couple of days, it’s a good thing too. Today I found seven comments in my folder that weren’t Spam!
A while back a lot of bloggers were getting Harry Potter spam and were talking about it on Facebook. As long time readers know, I am a HP FREAK fan so I anxiously checked the folder and discovered I had indeed been blessed by some HP semi-quotes. I say semi-quotes because all of you know, that spam usually has some grammar or spelling errors.
I save some of the Spam comments and thought I’d share then with you. The Spam comments will be in italics while my responses to them will be bold.
I’m not going to share the Potter quotes because with the exception of bad spelling, they are real quotes. Except for this one. I can’t recall ever seeing this quote in any of the HP books.
“Have you got anything for me?” Harry asked, but she seemed distracted by his lit wand-tip.
Is it me or does that sound sexual to you?
Today, I visited the beach front with my children. I discovered a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and stated “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and shouted. There was a hermit crab in…
Siriusly dude, you didn’t check inside the shell BEFORE handing it to a four-year-old? WTF is wrong with you? Do you have sand for brains? You’re a special kind of stupid aren’t you?
The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I know it was my selection to read, but I truly thought youd have some thing fascinating to say. All I hear is often a bunch of whining about something which you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.
I actually thought this might be a good comment, because I do sometimes whine. Except you don’t know how to use apostrophes. Really? You can make a spyder bot that can troll the web leaving comments, but you can’t figure out how to us apostrophes? I may be a whiner, but you’re fucking useless.
Hello Delilah, Thank you for posting your story. I rellay admire you for joining the church when your parents are not members, and then serving a mission. You are a good example to your nieces and nephews. I’m sure they benefit from you playing with them, and teaching them about the church. I am a 68 year old grandmother living in Sandy, Utah USA.
Hey Grandma, thanks for the comment. I’m glad there is someone out there who appreciates me and my skillz You are super smart to realize I’m on a mission but I don’t do know anything about nieces or nephews. Do they have food? Are they like those mini-two leggers that Mom calls grandchildren? If so, they might be useful because they aren’t really coordinated with food, so there’s lots of opportunities for me. Speaking of opportunities, what kind of food do you eat Grandma? How’s your eyesight? Do you drop a lot of food? Do you need help cleaning up your house? Find me on Facebook Grandma, let’s talk. You scratch my butt, I’ll clean your floors.
Life is short, and this aritcle saved valuable time on this Earth.
Well thank you, glad to be of service. Maybe with that spare time you can look up article in the dictionary and memorize the correct way to spell it.
Do you ever read your spam? Do you ever want to approve it and answer it? Would you have answered this Spam any differently?
I do go through spam periodically to check for missed comments but I haven’t found anything as funny as these!
“Have you got anything for me?” Harry asked, but she seemed distracted by his lit wand-tip.”
Is it me or does that sound sexual to you?
That’s somewhere in Deathly Hallows. I know it sounds that way because I started giggling when I read it.
These are absolutely hilarious! Thank you for the laugh!
I don’t usually open my spam… I just peep at the introduction which always comes up before I open it and see if it interests me. If not, it goes straight in the bin, and from the bin it is discarded forever! But THIS STUFF? Well this stuff would be kept – its so funny!
Earl and I.
LOL we had a good chuckle over those. We blocked most but some get through and in the virtual bin they go unread. Hate spam of both kinds but poking fun of them is pawsome. We like. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Best wishes Molly
Some days I am pleased to see spam because it is a comment and makes me feel loved – wow what sort of issues do I have??!! Yes the wand tip is very rude, my mind went there too!
When I see spam I do sometimes worry is it spam or not, I would hate to ignore someone who had commented, and as my spelling and grammar are horrendous I can’t rely on pulling that apart so I usually check out the URL if it is from “need a hard screw” or some other DIY place (see what I did there!!) then I reject it without the worry!
Life IS short and I have much better things to do……..like play with, or snuggle with my puppy! NUF SAID!
We had a lot more spam when we were not self hosted. Now we might get one a week and we are fine with that. They are often pretty funny and we wonder why people are doing it? What is the purpose and don’t they have anything better to do? Spam in a can is from MN. Mom had bad memories of it as a kid and tried it again a few years back and nothing changed. She said it was totally salty and awful, so no Spam with or without a can for us.
Spam is BAD… butt SOMETIMES our FUREND’s comments go there Accidently. We check it…
OMG I just pissed myself! That’s all I can say!
BOL!! Yes that definitely sounds sexual!!
I am still a relatively new blogger and have been “blesses” enough to receive any spam yet! Ha!
Thank goodness, although yours do see! Extremely funny!!!! Hahaha!
Always making us smile 🙂
((Husky hugz))
Frum our pack at love is being owned by a husky
i will on occasion go through the spam folder. It can be entertaining to say the least. I have gotten the very disappointed too. My response, go the hell away then!
First, LOVE your new blog design (purple :-)) Can’t stand SPAM (the can too – very popular in HI but can’t eat it, Yuk!).
Always think SPAM is based on your browsing. We get lots of ‘shopping” info n lots of Miss O fans (not sure if they are actually spam but we don’t post it. It’s FUN reading them, makes us SMILE. Golden Woofs
I do sometimes read my spam. Sometimes it’s like a faux-ego boost, since so many of them tell me how AWESOME my posts are. 😉
Love the HP spam, and agree with your response!
You always make me laugh! Thanks!
I keep getting that one about my whining and disappointing him/her. I must get that one at least once a month. I wonder if he/she is coming back to see if the whining stopped.
They are definitely entertaining . . but not as entertaining as your responses 🙂
Well, this was an “interesting” approach to dealing with spam!! I hated the stuff in the can when I was a kid — still do — the smell of it always reminded me of Alpo dog food. YUK! My godmother used to feed that crap to their dog (who was the brother and littermate of our first poodle). There weren’t many choices in dog food back then. I have to laugh at some of the M*A*S*H episodes though where Hawkeye and Trapper make fun of the stuff. There’s even one episode where they create a “Spam Lamb” when Radar ships the real lamb home to his mother to save it from being the main course for Easter dinner!
LOL! Love the one about Delilah. What kind of mission do you think she is on when she goes to church? I bet she’s checking their kitchen area for some good trash and frozen chicken necks.
We don’t get much spam on the blog but get lots via email. We have won the lottery a lot! Some of it is so ridiculous, it is funny!
Those are funny. I had this one which I think is by far and away the best! It is being held for moderation. Yep it is always good to dis my commenters. That will make me approve your spam.
“I hardly leave a response, however I browsed some responses on Goodbye January And Not A Moment Too Soon | 2 Brown Dawgs Blog.
I do have some questions for you if you don’t mind. Could it be just me or do some of the comments come across as if they are written by brain dead visitors?
😛 And, if you are writing on other online social sites, I’d like to follow you.
Would you list of every one of your social community pages like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?”
Too funny. I do read some of my spam also, and it can be quite amusing. I’ve gotten the sea shell one, and would have answered it just the way you did. It is tempting to let one through just to reply to it….but I’m too afraid that would open the floodgates and they’d all come thinking I was an easy target (there’s enough as it is)! LOL
Your response to the Grandma one is my favorite!
Great shares Jodi. I browse thru once in a while, and yeah, some of them are hysterical. 🙂
Those are amazing. I especially like the one about Delilah joining the church without you and going on a mission. I always knew she had a calling.
Those are amazing. I especially like the one about Delilah joining the church and going on a mission. I always knew that she had a calling.
Interesting! I haven’t gotten any HP spam, but I do find my spam comes in themes. For a while it will be at-home business, then after a week of that it will be random stuff about search engines, then it will be adult content. But all the comments in the folder at once with usually be the same theme. It’s odd.
I sometimes get dog breeder spam, which was kind of weird and creepy (and my spam filter caught). I also sometimes get short story spam, though that’s more in my email than on the blog. Really, though, spammers say the nicest things sometimes, it’s a shame to get rid of them. They’re all “Hello beloved! Your layout is wonderful! And your writing. Do you want to buy this laptop?” and then the link is all sketchy.
Canned spam, I confess I do kind of like. We don’t have it often (and Elka loves it too!) but I’ll slice it up and pan-brown it like taylor pork roll and put it with cheese on a sandwich.