There are many sporting events one can compete with their dog in. Rally, Hunting, Herding, Obedience, Agility, Freestyle, are a few that come to mind. I would even argue that showing one’s dog in the ring is considered a competition. Imagine all of these events under one roof, in a two or three-week period.
One would definitely include the above events in a Canine Olympics competition.
But what of the lesser known skills?
Could you picture some of the less promoted, but not less important skills?
Skills like:
The Butt Sniff.
Commentator 1: Delilah’s in the ring next, watch her on this technique, it’s just about perfect, she approaches the dog, carefully and cautiously she stretches out her head, nose in, the sniff is done, she turns. Oh no! She deviated from her dismount to inspect his manly bit.
Commentator 2: The judges are definitely going to take points off for that. What a shame, she was favored for the gold too.
Marking
Commentator 1: Sampson’s in the ring now, notice how he proceeds slowly, taking a minute to sniff each bush, making sure he’s in the right spot. Yes! He’s found it, now watch. He has to be careful he doesn’t raise his leg too high, raising his leg too high will result in poor aim and if he misses the bush, they’ll take points off. Yes! He nails it.
Commentator 2: I don’t know Jim, it seems to me his leg was a little shaky on the dismount and I think he might have been peeing, not just marking.
Drooling
Commentator 1: Entering the ring for this event is Leroy, note how the majority of competitors in this event are Newfoundlands, St. Bernard’s and Labs, not many dog breeds drool like these guys.
Commentator 2: Leroy has seen the judge sitting with the plate of food. Let’s watch.
Commentator 1: Ugh, that’s disgusting, did you know that a dog could actually have a drool hang that low? I think I’m going to be sick, excuse me a minute.
Commentator 2: With drool like that, Leroy’s a shoe in for the gold. You okay, Jim?
People Approach
Commentator 1: Entering the ring here is Honey, what a sweet girl she is. I had an opportunity to speak with Honey’s companion just a bit earlier and I can assure you, this dog will medal in this event.
Commentator 2: See how Honey sits so politely waiting to approach the judge? She is looking to her companion for permission. Her companion has completed her greeting of the judge and has given Honey approval to approach. Notice how carefully Honey does this, setting her head just below the judge’s hand allowing the judge to approach at her own pace.
Commentator 1: You can’t greet any better than that, I bet she gets full marks.
Mud Scarfing
Commentator 1: One of the few timed competitions in these Canine Olympics, this a new sport just added this year. Not many people are aware of this, but mud scarfing is an acquired taste, not very many dogs are skilled enough to enter this contest.
Commentator 2: Entering the ring now is Shiva the dog, you’d be hard pressed to find a better mud scarfer than Shiva. Watch this tornado on a leash, she drags her owner over and immediately begins scarfing that mud.
Commentator: I think that’s a new world record.
Delilah has skills. She has mad skills.
Yes, she can do a decent butt sniff (although she does tend to go straight for the manly bits, once the initial butt sniff is done) and she can mark with the best of them, and drooling, yes she could give Leroy a run for the money. She’s decent at approaching people but mud scarfing has never been her thing.
Her real, gold-medal winning skills would be in:
Chewing
She can find things to chew that you didn’t even think were chewable. Since we recycle in this house, many of the items she finds are items she plucks from the dish drainer.
Like the Pomi sauce container, I found destroyed on the floor one day when I came home from work.
The throw rug is down to cover the stain from the salmon oil container she destroyed.
Or, like last Saturday when I woke up at midnight because it felt like Delilah was chewing the legs off the bed. I got up and checked with the flashlight and look what I found under the bed.
The empty chicken package I washed out and left in the drainer to dry.
But her true skills come into play with plastic.
Not many dogs could do this to a Tupperware container that once held M&M’s.
Those are some skills right there, take a closer look at the cover.
I can hear the commentators now.
Commentator 1: This event requires a combination of skills Ken, the floor is set-up as a home-like setting, the dog has to get the object, carry it to an inconspicuous spot before they can actually begin chewing.
Commentator 2: Delilah’s companion tells us that Delilah is a master at this, let’s watch. She’s entering the ring and looking around, there! She spots the container, she puts both paws up, sniffs about and YES! She has grabbed the correct container without disturbing any of the others.
Commentator 1: She’s carrying it over to the rug in the living area, this is perfect because this is where any food left in the container can do the most damage.
Commentator 2: Look at that form, the way she holds the container down with her paws and that teeth action! She’s definitely medaling here Jim, I can’t see how she could miss.
Oh yes, if chewing were an Olympic sport my dog would have so much gold, she couldn’t walk. (And I wouldn’t have to work.)
What kind of Olympic skills does your pet have? What types of events would you like to see?
Book count is at 14,939 words.
In my younger days, I could rival any chewer. Nowadays, my teeth are all worn down, so at best, I could take third place in chewing! 🙂
Ha ha that is so funny. Yep the container chewing is one of my specialities. Great commentary, we had fun reading them. Have a lovely Monday.
Best wishes Molly
Hey what about humping, while furiously grabbing on to humpee’s leg with vicelike paws of steel? And groaning, moaning, and happily growling while flailing paws up in the air and convulsing? My two would bring home the gold in those categories, paws down.
This post cracks me up–thanks for bringing a smile to my morning:)
Sadly enough, my sister and I really are not that crazy. Mom says I am a serial butt sniffer but my sister is just a perfect dog. My crazy cat bro, now he could enter! He chews electrical cords, eats his stuffed cat toys and steals anything that smells like food from the kitchen! Bert is always in big trouble!
This post is hilarious. I think Litchi could give Delilah a run for her money in the chewing category, though.
Oh, it would be such fun but there would no doubt be a few eliminations as a dog just walked off and did something else on a whim!
Too funny!!
Dexter would get the gold for poo stepping. I could have just cleaned up the yard, he will come out and “accidentally” find a small amount of poo, step in it and then head back into the house to track it all around on the carpet. A truly unfortunate talent he has had since his puppy-hood. Ugh!
So funny, I would love to give Delilah a chewing contest, I can knaw my way through a hard indistructable ( yeah right ) dog toy, in about 5 mins..Wonder why I haven’t got many toys left..BOL xx00xx
Mollie and Alfie
I am not much of a chewer, and on the people approach, I am more hands on, paws on, tongue on, slurp on, walking on 2 feet so people can reach me better, gasping for air, tail wagging so hard I’m knocking furniture over, with a little bit of crying for good measure.
Think I could take the competition??
Love and licks,
Cupcake
Jeffie suggests the Pancake Popfly. That’s where the dog daddy flips pieces of pancakes into the air – high. Now that Lucy is gone, Jeffie is the champ!
Silas is pretty good at chewing plastic, too.
His best skill is finding tiny bits of things to chew on, even when I was sure the house was clean. Husband and I are neat freaks, and he still finds things. When we go other places, it’s crazy. At mom’s last week he scratched a twist top to a kid’s kool-aid drink (one of the ones in the squeezie plastic bottle) out from under the baseboards.
Lila likes to chew too, but drooling over a tennis ball is what grosses me out the most! Lila has left drool marks on the dashboard of our van that I don’t know how to get rid of!
Love this post – so funny! 🙂
You are hilarious! Delilah definitely sounds like a medalist in the chewing category. Shiva used to be destructive but has lost her edge in recent years. It’s pretty shameful, actually. You have real champions to be proud of in your crew to be sure. 🙂
Hey Sampson, Hey Delilah, Jet here. Hi Miss Jodi.
You guys are a laugh riot!!! BOL! We know 2 lady mastiffs that drool more than Sherman and Leroy, though! Their human dispenses big towels when you enter the home!!!
JJ would medal in paw shaking and I, Gentleman Jetty, let’s see… detecting skills, storm detection… not sure, too many options!!!
I LOVE THIS POST!!!
Oh sweet Delilah you came through for me 🙂 I love how you so carefully chewed the edge of that container.
I would say Cheyenne might be able to give Leroy and Delilah a run for their money with the drooling, she is a master. She once drooled so heavy at seeing puppies born that she formed a white foamy beard 🙂
Riva would be in the counter surfing category, Maia would be the garbage picker and Titan would be the sock chewer!
LOL Too funny. Look at what our sweet little Delilah did now. She is definitely a champion. Thunder is pretty good with the drool. Even better than Storm. 🙂
I love it. And I’m so jealous. I wish I had thought of this first.
Of course, you must be talking about Honey the Great Dane. My Honey’s greeting techniques are not nearly so refined. It’s a miracle when we can pull off a calm one.
As a matter of fact, she might medal in lap sitting, crotch sniffing, and jumping. 🙂
Bunny and Blueberry are champion cockroachers, able to achieve advanced positions on the couch that yoga instructors can only dream of accomplishing! lol
Ha-ha! Drool rules!!!!
Delilah defintley takes the gold after that amazing performance!
(Ha-ha) She’s defintley medaling here Jim! Love that line!)
Love this Jodi! You’ve outdone yourself!
Face-licking for sure:)
Hi Jodi,
Oh I so loved this post – really made me chuckle!!
I’m also happy you’re doing so well with the book!! Yay 🙂 Keep up the great work!! 🙂
I have to say I think Cosmo and I would definitely medal in the synchronized peeing, we practice it every day and we are masters, we even know instinctively which side of the tree each of us will take!! 🙂
Wags to all,
Your pal Snoopy 🙂
OK – love you blow by blow of the chewing competition. Too funny. Delilah reminds me of someone …..
Is there a small dog drool competition? Junebug will never be able to match the Newfies and Mastiffs, but among dogs her size, she’s a champion drooler. She’s also a champion chewer. She excels in the “destruction in plain sight” category, y slowly getting some blanket in her mouth and then chewing so slowly that it’s almost unnoticable, until she gets up and there’s a new hole in the blanket.
Oh, and if there’s a snoring category, she’ll take on the big dogs in that.
I think Larry could be a gold medalist in wrestling, but unfortunately, he refuses to stick to his 20-30lb weight class and actually refuses to wrestle with anyone under 60lbs, the bigger the better.