I’m not a big fan of reality TV.
Except for that one season I watched the Bachelorette, I could care less if Ice Loves Cocoa, Harry Loves Lisa or if I’m Keeping up with the Kardashians. Really, before the show, just who the hell were the Kardashians anyway? And someone, ANYONE tell me why do I need to keep up with them?
I know a lot of people are enjoying some kind of puppy cam, or eagle cam or bear cam, (I’m not exactly sure) and while I think small animals are adorable, and could really sit and watch puppies play all day long, I think people would get quite a bit of amusement watching Delilah’s Reality Show.
I mean let’s face it Delilah is amusing, she has her own mind set and does pretty much what she wants, plus she’s funny as hell.
The real amusement however would come from the human’s reactions.
Let me set the scene.
It’s Saturday afternoon, I have two 10 pound bags of chicken necks defrosting in the sink. I’ve already chipped away at one and pulled off about three pounds, which have been bagged and refrozen for future breakfasts for Sampson and Delilah.
As I am want to do when I have too many ‘to do’ items on my list, I stop one thing and wander off to do another. In this case it was to swap out a load of laundry.
As I’m putting the last piece from the washer into the dryer I have a sudden thought, “I’m going to go out and catch Delilah with her face in the sink, doing her damndest to grab herself a chicken neck.
I giggled slightly to myself at the thought.
I step out of the bedroom and look towards the sink, but there is no Chocolate Lab there staring back at me. I take three tentative steps towards the living room and that’s when I see her.
Gnawing on the frozen lump of chicken necks on my living room carpet.
Now I don’t care what anyone tells you, but when you come out of your bedroom and find your dog has removed SEVEN POUNDS OF FROZEN CHICKEN NECKS from your kitchen sink and is eating them on your living room rug, your first thought is not, “Let me grab my camera and take a picture.”
Believe it or not, it’s not your second thought either.
I’m sorry if that disappoints you, but I’m human after all and my first thought was OH MY GOD, she’s eating raw chicken necks on my rug!
On. My. Rug.
My second (coherent, printable thought) was, I must stop her, so I screamed, “DELILAH!”
She turned and looked at me then whipped her head back around working all that much harder to gather whatever bit of juicy goodness that she could before I took her treasured prize away.
I on the other hand, had turned into one of those “Here’s Your Sign” people, I screamed “What the Fuck?” and then “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Like I really expected her to answer me.
In case you’re wondering, she didn’t.
After I managed to pull her away from the chicken necks, I did snap a photo.
I loaned my crate out to someone for a new puppy so I didn’t have it to put her in. I know, I know you are not supposed to use the crate for punishment but on rare occasions I do. Dragging seven pounds of chicken necks through my house constitutes punishment.
Whatever, judge me if you will, you don’t live with this dog.
So since I did not have the
jail to incarcerate her in crate, I made her sit on the couch until she was sorry.
She’s still sitting there.
Come on, she’s a freakin’ lab, she’s not sorry!
See what I mean about the real amusement coming from the human’s reactions? If she’d had a camera like Miss Meadow does, she might have actually captured the look on my face, in that brief but shining moment she turned around to look at me.
What’s the craziest thing your dog has ever done?
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